Hiding from the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

December 2, 2009

Hello, Moon, I haven’t barked at you for a while, sorry. I know I promised to keep in touch; I’m not always the best at keeping promises. Just ask my ex-wife. It’s hard to get in the mood for typing during the brief Wisconsin summer.

Wisconsin has two seasons: Summer and Bummer.

I’m pretty disappointed with President Obama’s performance. I was so hoping he’d be great, the way Lincoln followed Buchanan. It’s more like Curly following Moe.

He needs to focus! Focus on what is needed now! He pulled our economy out of a freefall, (Thank You, Mr. President!), but great attention must be paid to getting the recovery moving. A jobless recovery isn’t a recovery: jobs have to be priority number one. W and his crew got this country sliding into third world status, the only thing that can stop it is getting this great country back to work! Either that or we’ll be digging for grub worms for lunch.

And then he’s got two wars to worry about. One is a true quagmire, and it seems like it is cooling for him. It was a war that shouldn’t have been started. Getting out of there will be much appreciated.

Afghanistan is a big problem. There isn’t any way out of there without us getting screwed. We have no way of winning this war without forming alliances with filthy warlords, which will, of course, turn around and bite us, or, let these warlords form alliances with the Taliban, which will, of course, lead to the end of life on Earth as we know it. Afghanistan is ruled by warlords, always has been, and will be for the foreseeable future.

We’ve got to quit worrying about what is happening in other countries so much. They will evolve! Remember, it was less than 200 years ago this country had slavery, was in the process of exterminating natives, and women here weren’t treated any better than they are in Saudi Arabia. Lead by example; don’t shove rockets down their throat. Our perfect union needs to be made more perfect, take the moral high ground here at home! Other countries will follow suit. It will be hard to promote human rights around the World when there are plenty of human wrongs still occurring here.

For one thing, let gays get married. I still don’t understand why they should be spared the misery.

In a case of outright genocide, such as in Darfur, maybe we should’ve gotten involved, but we didn’t. I guess Haliburton didn’t see any profit there.

Obama has to hang up his hopes of bipartisanship. The Republicans are doing nothing but obstruction, and what makes him think the same people that spent the previous eight years running the country into the ground have any good ideas? Hey Moe, what do you think I should do about Iraq?

A woman wants to skip out of the military to take care of her baby. Hey ladies, you wanted to have equal rights to kill strange people, now you’ve got it! And you know the military doesn’t like babies, they blow them up by the thousands!

Health care needs reform, has for decades, but Obama is wasting too much time, and too much of Congress’s time, trying to push it through in big hurry. You know damn well that if Congress is given a lot of time, they will screw things up. If they are rushed, they will screw it up worse!

I’m a big believer in letting states be the incubator of ideas. Let the states come up with solutions to health care, then adapt what works on a national level. You know damn well the 2,000 pages of garbage the U.S. Congress is pulling out of thin air is just going to give it to us in the wrong end.

The environment is an urgent problem, but there will be no solution if we’re burning the stubs from our unemployment checks for heat. Give it a rest, concentrate on getting the country back on it’s feet. I know the goobers that listen to Glenn Beck think the atmosphere reaches to the stars, when, relatively speaking, it’s as thin as an apple peel, but now, especially with allegations of “trick” data surfacing, it is not the time to push it.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Just asked Tiger Woods. He lost his reputation and a couple of teeth.

Forget about Huckabee in 2012. He’s got a Willie Horton on steroids. I’m not a big fan of cops, but I don’t like to see them die. Just maim their arms so they can’t club you so hard.

Sarah Palin wrote a book. At least she dictated a book to someone that knows how to write. She’s sold more books than there are Republicans that can read.

Moon, I will write you another time, I’m sure. No promises this time. No promises made, no promises broken. And thank you for not throwing anything at me, those meteorites can leave a mark.