Monday, February 23, 2009

Race in America

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 23, 2009

Race in America. This is not about the Indianapolis 500. This is about a massive pain in the ass. Attorney General Eric Holder says we are cowards for not talking about race. Right wing pundit Britt Hume said that no one in their right mind would talk about race, the issue is too explosive. So what we need is someone that isn’t a coward, but not in their right mind, to talk frankly on the matter. Thus, I am qualified.

Why do we have to define people by their heritage? We are Americans! Not this kind of American, or that kind of American, or those kinds of Americans.

Labels are lies. I would be defined as White. Of Northern European heritage, living in a region where the Sun makes only rare visits, I’m about as pale as a human can get. However, I am not white, I’m kind of a light pinkish tan color. Goths have to use gallons of makeup to look genuinely white. White is a lie. I used to work with a guy that is as dark as a man can get. From a distance he does indeed looks black, but from less distance it is obvious he is not black, but a really dark, dark brown. Most “blacks” are obviously not black. Black is a lie. These labels are tools to keep us divided. These aren’t the only labels, there are labels for all kinds of heritages, and many of them are downright nasty. Why? To me, there are two kinds of people, the righteous and the assholes. We don’t need any more labels than that. If you insist on using the other labels, guess which label I’d put on you. Defining each other with labels keeps us at odds with each other, and feed our cultural differences.

A stupid cartoon is putting this issue in the headlines. It suggests a chimpanzee wrote the Stimulus Bill, and it is viewed as an insult to our new President. Al Sharpton is one of the people making the most noise about this. Normally I like Reverend Al, he is usually rational, and he has a terrific sense of humor. However, he is wrong this time. The reality is, Obama didn’t write this bill, Nancy Pelosi and her circle wrote it. The cartoonist even pointed this out. And I have to agree, Pelosi is about as smart as a chimp. Put the “Race Card” back in the deck, and try to keep it there. If one wanted to point out that the cartoon wasn’t very funny, he’d have a point.

There are bigots out there, a lot of them. And they come in all colors. Those that feel justified being bigots because of what somebody’s great-grandfather did to their great-grandfather are of the breed of asshole known as a bigot. If someone wants to label me an asshole, well, there are those of every color of the rainbow that will agree with them. If someone wants to label me a “Cracker” I will label them a bigot.

I once knew a “Self-Loathing Black.” He was half-African, but looked totally African. However, he had the same attitude about Africans as Jesse Helms. He was vicious! This man totally amazed me, and I tormented him unmercifully about his hatred. I hope he is doing well, and has softened his attitude. Poor guy really doesn’t have much of a place. Self-Loathing Gays have a home in the Republican Party, but where would this guy be welcome?

A lot of fuss is being made because our President looks African. “Did you think you’d live to see the day?” Yada, yada, yada. All I hope is that he does a good job; the cracker that came before him really screwed the place up.

A lot of my friends and acquaintances have Native American background. This issue is really complicated; yes, Europeans ripped off your ancestors, but most countries were formed by somebody’s ancestors ripping off somebody else’s ancestors. Reservations seem to have the same function as zoos, the only difference is that the subjects on display are humans. If I ever come up with, or encounter, a good plan on how to deal with “American Indians” you will see it here. Ideas are welcome.

Gender differences are another issue entirely. Women have caused me untold misery, but I still love them. I don’t think a good plan on how to deal with them will ever be encountered. Ideas are futile.

We have to let go of the past. We can’t forget it, or we won’t learn from it. However, we have to get rid of injustices that are occurring now! Affirmative action is not the answer. Reverse racism is racism. Get rid of it.

Education is a big part of the solution. The lack of education in the inner cities is a national problem; the idea of local financing of local schools is killing us. White bread suburban school districts have good teacher to student ratios, and the best technology available. Many still fail because of bad management, but in general it keeps the privileged, privileged. Even state by state differences vary the quality of education. Education is a national issue, it should be dealt with in national manner. “No Child Left Behind” is a joke. It makes schools that don’t have much money blow a bunch of money teaching kids how to take tests. If these tests tested kids the way they’ll be tested in real life, it might have a chance. But as there isn’t a big market for test takers, this program is a dud.

The best thing to solve the race issue is interracial breeding. Already people with backward minds have to watch what they say. You never know who had a beloved grandmother that was half minority. Klans will get smaller and smaller, because there will be fewer and fewer Americans of pure race. In the past, life was tougher on mixed race children, but as time moves on race will become a non-issue. I’m not saying to go knock someone up just because they’re a different color, but if you love someone that doesn’t look like the people in your family, don’t let race become an obstacle.

By the way, Eric Holder and Britt Hume can kiss my ass. I wouldn’t label either one as righteous.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I Feel So Stimulated!

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 17, 2009

Today we get our new economic stimulus plan. Oh Boy! This is going to be good!

This bipartisan plan (it did get three Republican votes) is designed to give our economy a good kick-start toward prosperity. This stroke of genius will devalue our dollar, sell our banks to foreign interests, and drive our debt so high that our great-grandchildren won’t even get it paid off! Ain’t that swell? Excuse me, I have to look up “prosperity” in my dictionary, it seems I’ve had it wrong all these years.

Obama wanted support from Republicans, he wined them and dined them but then he let the Democratic leadership in the House write the damn thing. After years of getting pushed around by Bush and his extreme right cronies, the Democrats in the House are not in the mood for anything resembling bipartisanship. The Republicans are intransigent, being really sore losers, and after three decades they all of the sudden rediscovered fiscal responsibility! The parties are making this a showdown, gambling big. If the economy shows measurable improvement in two years, it’s a win for Democrats, and Republicans will be driven even closer to extinction. If the economy is still faltering two years from now, Obama might be dealing with a Republican Congress.

Our hope is that history repeats itself. It seems like Republicans get us into big economic messes, like the Depression (Hoover), the 1975 Recession (Nixon, Ford), the malaise of 1991-92 (Bush the Elder) and then get bailed out by Democrats. Another point is Buchanan, considered the worst President, was followed by the best, Lincoln. Bush the Junior is to be ranked right down there with Buchanan, Fillmore, et al, so maybe, if history is nice, Obama will turn out to be up there in skill with Lincoln, Roosevelt, and other leaders that got the country out of big messes. What is very scary about this particular disaster is that many Democrats in Congress, many still in Congress, were of great assistance to the GOP in creating the mortgage crisis, which has been the grease in this downhill slide.

So even if Obama is great, he still has to deal with a Congress full of idiots. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t even belong there, much less be there in a leadership position. On the other side of the aisle, we have John Boner (did I spell that wrong?), who is pretty much the same story. The Senate is in a very sad situation. There actually are some moderates in the Senate, but they tend to get kicked into the corner and forced to wear dunce hats.

The big problem is that American politics has been taken over by the stupid. The GOP has had big wins appealing to the backward and ignorant of the Deep South, rural areas, and places like Alaska. The Dems have their base among the undereducated of the inner cities. Anyone with an I.Q. North of the Mason-Dixon Line is left scratching his or her head trying to figure out who is the lesser of two evils. The problem is that there isn’t a lesser evil.

It has been demonstrated that the country runs best when power is divided. When Congress and the Presidency are in gridlock, they tend to do the least damage. Look at the last six years of Slick Willie’s terms. America ran like a well-oiled watch, at least until the GOP tormented Bill for liking women. How dare he! He should like men and little boys, like they do! Then you look at W’s first six, you get the definition of disaster. Not only did Republicans have control of the House, Senate and the White House, the Democrats showed their intestinal fortitude by caving at every reasonable opportunity. The past two years weren’t long enough to show much progress, mainly because the Republicans, being losers, did the best possible job of being pains in the ass.

Hopefully, very hopefully, this plan might work. The tax breaks will have a modest, but immediate effect. People building roads and bridges will not only be employed, but will eat at the local lunch counters. And the ripple effect will continue. The Art Community will employ artists, who will no longer have to work at the lunch counters, creating openings for unemployed youths. Other facets of the program also might create jobs. Ignore the whinings of the sore losers, there actually isn’t a whole lot of “Pork” in this bill. And the most attractive facet of this plan is that it is based on a “Trickle Up” theory, which is much more realistic than “Trickle Down.” Republicans seem to think that the money mongers are the power behind an economy, that thy will somehow direct the money in ways beneficial to the economy. Sorry Bozos, you really overrate your importance. The working class is the engine that drives our country. Republicans are short sighted; they like handing the money directly to the rich, which shows the general stupidity of the GOP. Get the money to middle class, and the money will get to the rich, even more money than if it’s handed directly to them, it just requires a little patience. That is because the middle class is equally stupid, because they will spend their money at Wal Mart, Best Buy and other “Big Box” stores rather than the local markets, destroying any hope of anybody of their class achieving the American Dream.

If it seems like foreign economies are being treated as if they don’t matter, well they don’t, at least not much. They need us more than we need them, for the time being.

So hang on. We are in a tailspin. Will we pull out of it? Will we make a graceful splash in the Hudson? Or will we land flat? Pray for the best. There are no atheists in foxholes.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Yapping at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 9, 2009

Moon, these are wonderful days for me. I am gonna yap at you like a wound up miniature dachshund!

After years of well deserved hacking at Republicans, it is time for change! Now that Republicans are almost as extinct as the other dinosaurs, we have a new group to bash, Democrats!
Reaching for that pie in the sky, the left wingers can’t concentrate on real world solutions. We need a job creation program, but those boneheads can’t let a good program come into being without cluttering it up with everybody’s pet projects. 0.8 means you are drunk, and having 0.8 trillion at their disposal makes these loonies stupid drunk! How is a program that prevents sexually transmitted diseases going to create jobs? If nobody catches the Clap, we won’t need nurses giving out Penicillin shots. Jobs lost. Thank the Republicans for gettin’ rid of this one.

I do believe in putting money into alternative energy. Remember last summer? We paid $4 for a gallon of gasoline, and now we have no money. Get the connection?

Donald Trump says we’re not using our brains in protecting our country. Duh! If Obama wants to change anything, change that. Find somebody that can figure out his or her taxes, for a start.

After two years of talking change, Obama is filling his Cabinet with privileged insiders. Sounds more like same old, same old. Where’s the change?

The right still believes in tax cuts. We’ve had tax cuts! They don’t work for shit! Their effect is immediate, but very weak. Very little bang for the buck. Republicans are slow learners, they can’t learn from history. We need history books with more pictures.

The new Chairman of the Republican Party says bipartisanship is over-rated. Did I mention that Republicans are slow learners?

A big deal is being made that the stimulus package received no Republican votes in the House. About 30 GOP House members considered voting for the plan, but were extorted to vote against it. Like the other dinosaurs, Republicans have brains the size of walnuts.

Republican leaders in the Senate claim that Obama’s stimulus plan will lead to disaster. Better listen, these guys are very skilled at engineering disasters.

It seems like every time they refer to recessions of the past, not to mention the Depression, Republicans were in power at the time. We have to find somebody that can draw pictures of economic disasters for a lesson book for the GOP.

Dick Cheney claims that reading people their rights is putting America in danger. America is all about rights! People’s rights are the foundation of our country! Forget about human rights and you forget about America! How many ways can this be said? Cheney, you Dick, just crawl into a hole and shut up. Despite the damage you’ve done, you still have the right to speak. Please don’t. I would leave Republicans alone if they would just sit in the corner and face reality! They lost any semblance of power in this country because they are massive screw-ups!

Anybody that wants to promote compromise should watch how their representatives in Congress act in the next two years, when the House members, and a third of Senators, come up for re-election. Unload John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi ASAP!

Pelosi is letting power get to her head. She should quit being so stupid or she might be selling pencils two years from now.

I drove over the 35W bridge in Minneapolis just days before it collapsed. Didn’t know I was cheating death. Bridges all across the country are going bad, and not enough of the billions are allotted to fix this; instead, this major league problem is getting a drop in the bucket. Bridge building creates a lot of quality jobs, and in hard hit sectors of the market. And insist on American steel. Not only is this good for the American economy, America knows how to make steel. Chinese and Japanese steel is crap. I’m a machinist, I know steel.

If you’re going to make tax cuts, don’t make them without direction. Give companies tax credits for hiring. Give consumers tax credits for buying cars, and houses (a good Republican idea. They do exist.)

The Democrats are funding the health program for children with a cigarette tax, but the “Stimulus” contains a smoking cessation program. They’re counting on one or the other to fail. What else in their plans is set up to fail?

The first bill Obama signed into law was to make women’s pay equal to men’s pay. As ideologically laudable the principle, is that what we need now? Making it more expensive to keep people employed? Pie-in-the-Sky. As noted by others, he didn’t allow five days for public comment, as promised.

Somebody should tell Rush Limbaugh every good American, Democrat, Republican, or whatever, wants Obama to succeed. Anyone that wants the country to go further down the tubes just to prove himself right might as well join Al-Qaeda.

Limbaugh has 20 million listeners; some of them actually take him seriously! Further evidence that the American educational system is failing. Brains the size of walnuts.

A Catholic bishop denies that 6 million Jews were gassed by Nazis during the 1930’s and 40’s. He has a point. 6 million Jews died, but a lot of them were shot, drowned, or failed to survive ghastly medical experiments. Most of those that expired during the construction of V-1 and V-2 missiles succumbed to fumes from welding galvanized metal; can that be considered gassed?

The Nazis also killed disabled people, including gays. Gypsy’s, blacks, etc., those guys just couldn’t run out of reasons to make people dead. Loads of evidence, bodies and bones included, support the existence of the Holocaust. Even Nazis proudly admitted it as the nooses tightened. This bishop wants you to accept Catholicism solely on faith, but he won’t accept the Holocaust in the face of tons (literally, tons) of evidence. I’d keep an eye on this guy when he’s around altar boys. There is a lot of evidence that buggering children is a bad thing.

The Catholic Church failed it’s Christian duty during the Nazi era. I guess it is hard to break tradition; it is still failing it’s Christian duty.

The Governor of Illinois got the boot. He proclaims his innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence against him. He has the full support of Catholic bishops.

Some people are making a stink because Jessica Simpson put on a couple of pounds. With eating disorders among young women nearly a pandemic, this behavior is incomprehensible. Jessica still looks hot. Besides, she’s a singer, not a supermodel. And she doesn’t wear silly hats.

After Michael Phelps won 8 medals in Beijing, he went for some Acapulco gold.

PETA is using scantily clad young women to make broccoli look sexy. Or are they using broccoli to make scantily clad young women look inedible?

These same characters are trying to make us feel all warm and fuzzy about fish by calling them “Sea Kittens.” Put one of these folks in the water with a 15-foot great white sea kitten and see who’s who on the food chain. Actually, sharks usually take a taste of a human and spit it out, kind of like broccoli.

An Airbus made an emergency landing in New York’s Hudson River due to engine failure. Bird remains have been found in both of the plane’s engines. Of course they are no longer birds, they’re now known as “Air Puppies.”

Now we have to watch out for infected peanut butter, from Georgia. What did Jimmy Carter have to do with this?

One lady had survived two forms of Cancer, and was ready to come home from the hospital, but she was finished off by bad peanut butter. I’m going to stick with sea kittens.

People in the disaster areas of Kentucky and Missouri, etc., are advised not to eat the peanut butter in their emergency rations. Nice choices, starve to death or die gagging.

The government says it is going to take steps to prevent bad food from entering our country’s markets. I thought they were always doing that, but it turns out that the FDA was protecting food producers from dying consumers. It makes sense. This is the same outfit that protects the producers of anti-depressants from the families of users that commit suicide.

China is suffering it’s worst drought in half a century. America grows a lot of food. This is a tremendous opportunity to relieve some of our trade deficit. But our food supply must be trustworthy. We have a better chance of making broccoli look sexy.

A 93-year-old World War II vet froze to death in his Michigan home after the local electric company limited his power. Don’t you just love deregulation?

Unregulated free markets don’t work, Socialism doesn’t work, the only thing that will work is a free market with strong government oversight. Then we need a government with strong voter oversight. Then we need voters educated by someone more rational than Rush Limbaugh. We have a better chance of making scantily clad young women look inedible.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t know, they’re still using whale oil lamps.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? Ain’t gonna happen. They talk change, but they seem happy with the old, burnt out bulb.

Sorry, Moon. Unlike a miniature dachshund, I can’t yap forever. Good night, try to get some sleep now.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

We Are All Nuts

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 3, 2008

An eight-year-old girl answers the door to greet Santa Clause, and gets shot in the face. She soon dies. Santa proceeds to kill eight more, then himself. A three-year-old goes missing, is found dead months later. She was murdered, presumably by her own mother. A man in Australia throws his four-year-old daughter off a bridge; she plunges 190 feet to her death. A Vice-President and his puppet use falsified intelligence to get the country into a war we have no business fighting, killing hundreds of thousands of people, including 5,000 of our own. Millions of Americans are consuming tons of drugs and gallons of alcohol to feel good when feeling good is tough to do. I could go on and on forever, these are just a few sad examples.

Are these people criminal or insane? Everybody tries to draw a line between the two, and courts try to make a legal definition that still relies on the opinion of “experts.” The problem is that the Human species has not developed sanity. I don’t think we ever will. We are all nuts, some just a little crazy, and some totally whacko; it’s just a matter of degree. Murder is considered the most heinous crime; anyone that commits murder has to be playing with less than a full deck. Nazis are some of history’s most notorious murderers, did they impress anyone as being fully rational? They were consumed by hatred, twisted, boiling hatred. They were hanged, and they deserved it. Or did they? Maybe they should’ve gotten treatment. Hell no. It’s too bad we couldn’t hang the devils twice.

One thing that might help crazy people is to let them know they are far from alone. Anybody that claims that they never wanted to wring somebody’s neck is most likely lying. Nothing causes stress and despair like feeling alone. If somebody says something crazy, don’t make as if they have an incurable disease, talk them down, tell them they don’t have to do what the dog says. Tell them how you deal with your own crazy thoughts. If you think none of your thoughts are crazy, you have a problem, and need immediate help. If you take anything Rush Limbaugh says seriously, for example, you need to be permanently incarcerated.

Instead of a system of prisons and mental institutions, with “experts” determining who goes where, we need prisons, prisons with the ability to deal with mental health issues. Judges would set a minimum sentence, with the condition that the offender be declared “safe” before release.

So let’s not try to make a distinction between criminal and insane. Treat them all like criminals, or treat them all like nuts. Anybody can shop around and find an “expert” that will declare them insane, and prosecutors can find “experts” that will declare them sane. Psychiatry is not a precise art, simply because the difference between a sound mind and one that isn’t so sound is a very gray area. So relax, have a drink, maybe smoke a joint, and tell the dog he’s talking shit.