Monday, December 7, 2009

Hiding from the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

December 2, 2009

Hello, Moon, I haven’t barked at you for a while, sorry. I know I promised to keep in touch; I’m not always the best at keeping promises. Just ask my ex-wife. It’s hard to get in the mood for typing during the brief Wisconsin summer.

Wisconsin has two seasons: Summer and Bummer.

I’m pretty disappointed with President Obama’s performance. I was so hoping he’d be great, the way Lincoln followed Buchanan. It’s more like Curly following Moe.

He needs to focus! Focus on what is needed now! He pulled our economy out of a freefall, (Thank You, Mr. President!), but great attention must be paid to getting the recovery moving. A jobless recovery isn’t a recovery: jobs have to be priority number one. W and his crew got this country sliding into third world status, the only thing that can stop it is getting this great country back to work! Either that or we’ll be digging for grub worms for lunch.

And then he’s got two wars to worry about. One is a true quagmire, and it seems like it is cooling for him. It was a war that shouldn’t have been started. Getting out of there will be much appreciated.

Afghanistan is a big problem. There isn’t any way out of there without us getting screwed. We have no way of winning this war without forming alliances with filthy warlords, which will, of course, turn around and bite us, or, let these warlords form alliances with the Taliban, which will, of course, lead to the end of life on Earth as we know it. Afghanistan is ruled by warlords, always has been, and will be for the foreseeable future.

We’ve got to quit worrying about what is happening in other countries so much. They will evolve! Remember, it was less than 200 years ago this country had slavery, was in the process of exterminating natives, and women here weren’t treated any better than they are in Saudi Arabia. Lead by example; don’t shove rockets down their throat. Our perfect union needs to be made more perfect, take the moral high ground here at home! Other countries will follow suit. It will be hard to promote human rights around the World when there are plenty of human wrongs still occurring here.

For one thing, let gays get married. I still don’t understand why they should be spared the misery.

In a case of outright genocide, such as in Darfur, maybe we should’ve gotten involved, but we didn’t. I guess Haliburton didn’t see any profit there.

Obama has to hang up his hopes of bipartisanship. The Republicans are doing nothing but obstruction, and what makes him think the same people that spent the previous eight years running the country into the ground have any good ideas? Hey Moe, what do you think I should do about Iraq?

A woman wants to skip out of the military to take care of her baby. Hey ladies, you wanted to have equal rights to kill strange people, now you’ve got it! And you know the military doesn’t like babies, they blow them up by the thousands!

Health care needs reform, has for decades, but Obama is wasting too much time, and too much of Congress’s time, trying to push it through in big hurry. You know damn well that if Congress is given a lot of time, they will screw things up. If they are rushed, they will screw it up worse!

I’m a big believer in letting states be the incubator of ideas. Let the states come up with solutions to health care, then adapt what works on a national level. You know damn well the 2,000 pages of garbage the U.S. Congress is pulling out of thin air is just going to give it to us in the wrong end.

The environment is an urgent problem, but there will be no solution if we’re burning the stubs from our unemployment checks for heat. Give it a rest, concentrate on getting the country back on it’s feet. I know the goobers that listen to Glenn Beck think the atmosphere reaches to the stars, when, relatively speaking, it’s as thin as an apple peel, but now, especially with allegations of “trick” data surfacing, it is not the time to push it.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Just asked Tiger Woods. He lost his reputation and a couple of teeth.

Forget about Huckabee in 2012. He’s got a Willie Horton on steroids. I’m not a big fan of cops, but I don’t like to see them die. Just maim their arms so they can’t club you so hard.

Sarah Palin wrote a book. At least she dictated a book to someone that knows how to write. She’s sold more books than there are Republicans that can read.

Moon, I will write you another time, I’m sure. No promises this time. No promises made, no promises broken. And thank you for not throwing anything at me, those meteorites can leave a mark.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

Moon, I’ve been a bad blogger. No posts for a month! I could give you a hundred lousy excuses, but I’m sure you’ve heard ‘em all.

A prominent moderate Senator switched from the Republican to the Democratic Party. Republicans are forcing any sign of moderation from their party. The shame is, politically, it might work for them. Democrats are profiting from embracing moderates, as their base isn’t loyal enough to carry them.

There still are only 99 Senators. The Minnesota race is going to a higher court, sure to go to another higher court or two. Franken is an extremist, and, should Coleman pull it off some how, he would be forced to the other extreme by his party. Franken most likely will be the winner, but moderation is sure to be the loser.

A friend was yelling at his cat. A neighbor called the cops on a domestic abuse. Nobody got abused until the cops came. The cops, among other things, threw a disabled woman to the floor. Justice is nasty in Polk County, Wisconsin. The cat survived unharmed.

A thirteen year old boy is refusing modern medical treatment for one of the most treatable cancers, due to his religious beliefs. He could choose to live, or try his luck with herbal remedies. Gotta wish the kid luck. If it works for him it would be fantastic. On the other hand, it might be a case of the stupid killing himself off before he could breed. Win, win either way.

Some bone head flew a copy of Air Force One over the Statue of Liberty, causing massive panic in this panic stricken World. For a photo opportunity! What, Photoshop isn’t good enough? Our government needs people that can think! Is this two administrations in row full of idiots?

I wonder if we’d be as worried about the journalist imprisoned in Iran if she wasn’t an exotic looking babe?

I have to part with my fellow moderates concerning the legalization of Marijuana. Pot is a little stronger than coffee, and slightly less addictive. It would be an estimated turnaround of 7 billion dollars if we taxed it instead of prohibiting it. A lot of the opposition is because smokers are afraid the quality of the product probably would decrease. Plus, making it legal would make it less fun.

I support gay marriage, but I am tired of watrching them kiss on the Evening News. Just let them get hitched and screw up their lives like straight people have been doing for centuries, and if anybody wants to watch the groom kiss the groom, they'll have to attend the ceremony.

Fishing season in Wisconsin! Time to catch and eat some cool, fresh, sea kittens. No broccoli to harvest here until September.

I celebrated a birthday a couple weeks ago. Didn't celebarate too hard, 56, whoopee. Yeah, let's celebrate bad knees, weak eyes and gray hair.

Sorry Moon, gotta go. I’ll be back next month, I promise.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

April 9, 2009

Moon, life has been crazy lately, a new job, another move, and maybe a new band (I’ll be playin’ Bass). But don’t worry, I’ll always have time to bark at you.

A Minneapolis police officer shot a man eight times, supposedly in self-defense. However, the gun found near the suspect didn’t have any fingerprints or DNA on it, and the weapon’s last known location was the police evidence locker. Murderapolis is getting so bad even the cops are getting into the act.

Speaking of police, how about that Dallas cop that wouldn’t let that guy see his dying mother-in-law, the poor guys wife needed comfort, but her husband couldn’t be there because he was being harassed. Any law enforcement officers that wonder why they are called pigs should watch the tape of the incident, and wonder no more.

It is unfortunate that all cops are painted with the same brush. Quite a few of them actually are human, but quite a few more of them use their badge to play hard-ass. They must have gotten too many wedgies in junior high.

President Obama’s aunt is being deported. Should Barack pull strings to prevent this? If he does, you know that the Right wing assholes will bitch like hell, but if he doesn’t, most will consider him heartless. If he’s smart, he’ll talk his aunt into moving someplace nice, like the French Riviera. Who can bitch about that?

Volcanos are blowing all over the place, devastating earthquakes are shaking things up, Antarctic ice bridges are breaking up, and North Korea learned how to shoot a rocket. I sure am worried about those stray asteroids.

Obama just spent some time wooing foreign leaders, doing everything but literally kissing butts. The guys sure seemed to like him, but didn’t give him much as far as troops for Afghanistan or economic stimulus packages. Face it dude, playing nice guy didn’t work with the Republicans, and it ain’t working with the foreigners. Next time, try waterboarding them into submission.

Iowa’s laws against gay marriage were overturned. Iowa? You would think the clamor there would be for interspecies marriage.

March Madness is over, maybe because it’s fucking April.

Defense Secretary Gates decided we should arm ourselves for wars that we are actually fighting. This new administration is already proving itself smarter that the previous one. Six years, and the Bush-Cheney brainless trust didn’t even start to figure that one out.

Moon, light my way through these uncertain times, but don’t keep me awake, I need my sleep.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Obama’s Worst Report Card

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 20, 2009

Every idiot blogger and turdball pundit has been grading our new President’s performance way before enough time has passed to make a truly fair assessment. Being an idiot blogger, and turdball pundit, myself, here is my unfair assessment:

The economy is job number one. Obama somehow drove our economy on a downhill slide years before he took office. Nothing the Bush administration did could slow Obama’s encouragement of the massive collection of “Toxic Assets” that our major financial institutions managed to own, and insure. Now, in the guise of a stimulus, he is giving these institutions more money, taxpayer dollars in fact, to mismanage. He must be given credit for saving the bonuses for the people running these firms. There are those that feel that the executives of the corporations that are being bailed out should be denied their millions of dollars in bonus cash just because they made a couple of little mistakes. Someone in Congress even tried to put a provision in the “bailout” bill to cancel these bonuses! But we can thank the Obama Administration, with the help of their friend, Senator Christopher Dodd, for eliminating this amendment, guaranteeing that these poor fellows will get their hard-earned wages. Obama also deserves an A+ for not giggling when talking about how “outraged” he is about these bonuses. On the down side, Obama is giving the unemployed more money, and extending the time they can collect Unemployment Insurance benefits. Any sensible person knows the best way to deal with unemployment is to let the unemployed starve to death, at which time they will no longer be unemployed. Overall, in dealing with the economy, Obama deserves a D-.

Foreign affairs are a big part of a President’s job. Of course, Obama is screwing this up. Instead of continuing a war against an enemy that posed little threat, he wants to wind that war down. And we haven’t finished the job there! Intelligence gathered during the Bush administration clearly showed that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, but Obama is going to take our troops out of there before said weapons are found! Instead, he’s going to expand the war in Afghanistan, where our actual enemies are found, where 9/11 terrorists trained and had safe harbor! Any idea what a can of worms that would be? Fighting actual enemies? Bush had way more sense than that. He went after an easy target, which was pretty much contained by international forces, and was toppled quite easily. The fact that he stirred up some actual enemies is neither here nor there; his intentions were good. As far as terrorism goes, Obama is looking at the vulnerability of our infrastructure. Bush put all of his energy into protecting airports from further hijackings. Obama seems to think that his Muslim brethren might think of a new way to attack us, and that we might be open to assaults not involving airports! How ridiculous! On top of that, he wants to “talk” to Iran! Have meetings and discussions with the leaders of the pivot point of the “Axis of Evil.” It’s almost like he wants to “Dine with his enemies.” This sounds like something Jesus Christ would say! And, as is obvious to anybody familiar with modern American Christianity, you don’t pay any attention to what Christ said! This is why the biggest objection to this move comes from the heavily Christian extreme Right. On foreign affairs, Obama gets a D-.

When it comes to Cabinet appointments, Obama screwed up again! For Secretary of State, the person responsible for dealing with foreign leaders, he chose someone intelligent, knowledgeable, charming, and experienced in dealing with foreign leaders! He should have found someone incapable of independent thought, someone that does what she is told to do, and says what she is told to say, in a voice with the same pleasant sound as a dental drill. Like Condoleeza Rice! Other Cabinet positions he tried filling with people that got caught scamming on their taxes! He has got to fill these posts with people that are smart enough to scam their taxes with out getting caught! On his Cabinet, Obama gets a D-.

On domestic issues, Obama is screwing up again! One of his first acts as President, he signed a bill continuing the misguided effort to make women equal to men! Nature didn’t even make women equal, who does he think he is to argue with Nature? And then he makes an “Executive Order” to fund stem cell research. Instead of using the hundreds of thousands of unused embryos in an attempt to find cures for horrible diseases, we should stuff those unused embryos into welfare mothers eight or nine at a time! Obama deserves some credit, though, for proposing that injured veterans should let their private insurance pay to treat their injuries. These deadbeat vets think they can travel to a foreign country, get their legs blown off by an IED, then expect the Army to pay for it? How ridiculous! All the same, on the subject of domestic issues, Obama gets a D-.

I could go on and on, then go on and on some more, about how badly Obama has performed these first two months on the job, but I can’t, and I’m sure you can’t, stomach any more. So far, Obama has gotten five or six grades of D-, which averages a big, fat F.

So I conclude this most premature and unfair of all premature and unfair assessments of President Obama’s job performance. I expect a job offer from Fox News any minute.

Thank you.


Jonathan Bert

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 16, 2009

I screwed up this month. Somehow, I didn't get the scheduled publishing thing right, so this post is now 6 days late. It didn't get too stale, so I'm putting it out there now. Sorry Moon, I know you're at the last quarter, but I am only human. Gonna have to get my own Internet service sometime.

The World didn’t end in 2000, it didn’t end on June 6, 2006 (6/6/06), so now, for whatever odd reason, the magic number is 2012. In 2013 they will pick a new number. After living through scores of crackpot predictions, I’m going to make a few of my own.

After Obama’s first 100 days in office, pundits will figure out he has 1,361 days left.

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is going to abandon politics and become a successful Television Evangelist.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal will abandon politics to become the host of a children’s show.

The gene that causes homosexuality will be found and isolated, and fetuses will be screened for this gene. Most of those found with the gene will be aborted. The Right wing will be okay with this, as the right to life doesn’t extend to queers.

Physicists are trying to find the particle responsible for gravity. They’ve even named it, “Graviton.” This particle is responsible for the mass of everything from feathers to lead bricks, and they can’t find it. Some day one of these guys is going to see the forest through the trees and figure out that gravity isn’t a particle, it is probably a dimension. It will be called the “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!” dimension.

After the economy totally tanks, and everybody is starving, young girls will abandon the “Crank Whore” look, because everyone will look that way. They will gobble down potatoes and lard to achieve the “Rosie O’Donnell” look.

Obama’s honeymoon is going to crash and his relationship with the populace will need major repair. He is reaching too far, too fast. He’s even promising a cure for Cancer! (A statement like that forgets that Cancer is not one disease, but a group of related diseases, one cure for all is unlikely, it will need several cures. Plural.) Eventually, it will be realized he is not a miracle worker. He will be a better President than W., but not a lot better; his inexperience is already showing. The only thing that is going to save his ass in 2012 is Republicans are failing to offer anything new, just more of the same crap that screwed up the country the past eight years.

Bernie Madoff will be convicted of ripping off investors of billions of dollars in a “Ponzi Scheme.” The judge will throw the book at him and sentence Nadoff to two years confinement in the Playboy Mansion.

A great Republican lie is that taxing incomes over $250,000 will discourage small business from hiring. Companies will look for deductions to keep their take home pay under that mark. Payroll and related expenses are deductible! Hiring people can slide them into a lower tax bracket! The only people that will get hurt are those that can’t “Get By” on $249,000.

HLN’s Nancy Grace will marry a great guy and find true happiness, thus ruining her career.

George W. Bush will follow in the footsteps of Jimmy Carter, John Quincy Adams, and others, by doing more good for planet Earth after his Presidency than during it. (Especially if he continues his efforts to improve the health situation in Africa.) If he just stops doing mass quantities of damage it would be a start.

Some day, a man will land on Mars. After he climbs down the ladder, the astronaut will say “One small step for a man, one giant heap of money blown.”

The Catholic Church, in an attempt to stop centuries of immoral behavior, will allow priests to marry altar boys.

Rush Limbaugh will receive medicine’s first reverse lobotomy, thus ruining his career.

Many fear Obama might fail. Morons like Limbaugh want him to fail. Limbaugh’s popularity will not drop; people that are stupid enough to listen to him now are too stupid to wise up, ever.

Obama and Nancy Pelosi will start butting heads. This will help save America! Power will shift to a coalition of moderates from both parties. However, this will require that not only Pelosi, but Harry Reid and John Boner (Did I spell that wrong?), et al, be made irrelevant. Please!

I see signs that the old John McCain is returning. He will be more instrumental in saving the country than he would have had he won last November. He doesn’t have to kiss-butt anymore, his seat in Arizona is pretty safe. He will be key to forming the above-mentioned coalition.

As the economy tanks, bank robberies will go up. The problem will be finding a bank that is still open.

The mother of octuplets is going to make a fortune off of books, movies and even a reality show. This will prompt other welfare moms to have nine.

A gang of fanatics will corner Dick Cheney and drive a wooden stake through his heart. Cheney will just laugh; he isn’t a vampire, he is more evil than that.

The Minnesota Senate race between Republican Norm Coleman and Democrat Al Franken will be settled before the 2014 elections. (Going out on a limb with that one.)

Republicans will figure out that anyone with half a brain isn’t going to buy their newfound respect for fiscal responsibility. After Reagan started mortgaging our future to give the rich money to “Trickle Down” and Bush Sr. followed suit even though he called it “Voodoo Economics,” there was a pause in deficit spending called “The Clinton Administration.” But then W. made up for lost time by setting deficit records almost every year he was in office. The Republican rebranding effort will involve selling the idea that deficit spending is a good thing, and that they are the masters.

Eventually the crybabies will get all of the airports closed down. The United States will build one huge airport in the middle of North Dakota where it won’t bother anyone. People will ride high-speed rail to and from other parts of the country, giving the crybabies something new to cry about.

Sarah Palin will run in the Republican Presidential primaries in 2012. She will, however, lose the nomination to Joe the Plumber.

The American economy will eventually recover. It will be debated whether the Democrat’s stimulus plan helped. All will agree that we’ll have one hell of a bill to pay.

The guy that correctly predicts the day the World ends won’t be around to gloat about it.

The Democrats will manage to outlaw guns. After violent crime against a defenseless populace skyrockets, they will be desperate for an excuse, and blame it on the full Moon.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Grand Old Party is Over

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 5, 2009

The Republican Party is in shambles, only the most delusional right wingers disagree. The worst part is that the party leadership thinks the solution is to go backwards, when they are already backwards enough. They all must be stealing Rush Limbaugh’s Oxycontins!

By my very subjective observation, there are more moderate Republicans than there are moderate Democrats, but the GOP in general persecutes their moderates mercilessly. John McCain got the nomination last fall, but only after standing there testifying how Republican he was, which instantly got him labeled as Bush III. The GOP has got to realize that their ideas have totally lost respect, but they want to continue with the same old ideas, only more so.

Take me to your leader. Who the hell is it? A fellow named Michael Steele was formally chosen as the leader, but a right wing radio “Shock Jock” is the real guy! Steele and Limbaugh butted heads, and it was Steele that blinked. What hope does the party have when the leader is a fat, pill-popping loudmouth? You can walk into any honky-tonk and find dozens of drunks that talk the same way, would you pray to them for guidance?

The first thing the party has to come to grips with is that, with all respects for the dead, Reagan sucked! He was a big disaster for this country. He came up with the “Trickle Down” economic theory, which is haunting us to this day. He ended fiscal responsibility in the Republican Party. He brought the “Moral Majority” into politics, even though, when you consider their disregard for the poor, they aren’t very moral, and by the numbers, aren’t anywhere near a majority. They are, however, very loud and annoying. And sexually obsessed, loaded with self-loathing gays and other perverts. Republican “values” have been found to be bankrupt. On top of that, he spent billions on a land based missile system that was obsolete before it left the drawing board. Then, when you think about the Iran-Contra deal, Reagan and his cronies probably should have been put behind bars.

Reagan’s big talent was using splendid oratory to lead the gullible down a primrose path while doing ungodly things to our country. Sound like Obama? Yes it does! The differences are a different primrose path, (there must be several of them), and I think Obama writes some of his own material. We have give the guy some time before we can assess Obama fairly, but Reagan, we know what he did. His damage was primarily ruining our economy and fouling up our foreign affairs. He is given credit for tearing down the Berlin Wall, but the Soviet Union self-destructed. Gotta give Ronny kudos for good timing, though.

If the GOP wants to go back, go back to the nineteen-fifties, to the last great Republican President. I like Ike. Eisenhower doesn’t get nearly the respect he deserves. The Democrats at the time tried painting Ike as unintelligent, mainly because they were putting an “Egghead” up against him. We’ve had eggheads before, and since, but none of them was very impressive.

Eisenhower was excellent. He was fiscally responsible, but smart! He spent billions on a system of “Interstate and Defense Highways” (we now call them Interstates), which were designed to evacuate cities quickly and to mobilize the National Guard, but had the plus of reducing air pollution and improving intestate commerce. Sound, sensible infrastructure spending. If Ike wasn’t brilliant, I don’t know who is. He wasn’t big on social issues, but back then nobody was. Even the Democrats didn’t care much about social issues until the sixties, (remember the “Dixiecrats?”). His foreign policy? “Don’t Mess With Us!” plain and simple, and he was strong and smart about it, not trying to find ways of funneling money to his buddies. And he did this with an opposing Congress! He warned us about the “Military-Industrial Complex,” but now the GOP is in the pocket of said complex!

The Republicans have to go back to being Republicans. Maybe they need another general. Can you imagine Tommy Franks apologizing to Rush Limbaugh? David Petraeus would send a mortar shell up Rush’s ass if Limbaugh messed with him. The GOP needs a real leader, not comic relief. Let us hope for the best.

I believe in the two party system, but right now we don’t have one. Either a new party emerges, or the GOP has to resurrect itself. Get back to actually practicing fiscal responsibility. Dump your phony “Family Values” crap and clean the perverts out of your system. Care about children after they are born. Fix yourself or we may be at the mercy of the extreme left for a long time.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Wah! (The Cry of the Dingbat)

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 2, 2009

The Governor of Alaska, and former vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin is crying because the “Liberal Media” picked on her during last fall’s campaign. I am not liberal, but I picked on her then, and now I’m going to pick on her some more!

First thing to address is her claim that there is a lot of liberal media out there. Looking at the media, most are pretty fair and balanced, except those that claim to be fair and balanced, which are fronts for the right. Some print media leans to the Left, like the New Yorker, but as the New Yorker portrayed the Obamas as terrorists on one of their covers, even they can’t be said to be in the pockets of the left. Very little print media is right wing, unless they are willing to print a lot of pictures. The bumpkins of the extreme right aren’t heavy into reading. Talk radio is very right wing, fronted by Rush Limbaugh followed by hundreds of Limbaugh wannabes. Again, bumpkins don’t read. Television coverage does seem relatively balanced; but of course, we can’t forget Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, which is the bullhorn of the Right.

I agree, the media did kind of fall in love with Obama. In a land hungry for change, Obama clearly represented change. And being relatively unknown, heavy media coverage helped us to understand this complicated man, this man that wanted to run this country.

The problem is Sarah Palin is a Dingbat. She is not complicated at all. She always has been a dingbat, and she always will be a dingbat. She is proud of being a “Hockey Mom,” but if you ever met a hockey mom, you would not be impressed with their rational train of thought. She is a pit bull with lipstick, she hunts wolves from helicopters and calls it “Sport.” She thinks she can understand Russia because she can see it from her front porch. Her views on social issues are from the 19th century. Dingbat!

When Obama and McCain had their nominations sewed up, I still hadn’t made up my mind. I wanted to see who they picked for V-P. I’d liked McCain for a long time, he’d been the voice of moderation for decades, but I wasn’t impressed with the butt kissing he had done to get the nomination. I was hoping he would go back to being a voice of reason once he was free to do so. Obama was a scary choice. Inexperienced, and nobody knew a lot about him. He had held a statewide office for two years, and here he was, claiming to be ready to take the reins of the planet’s most powerful country. I needed to know more.

Obama picked Joe Biden, a solid choice. Biden is not any sort of moderate, but he is of sound mind, with vast knowledge of all of the issues facing this country, especially foreign affairs. This was important to me. One of my favorite quotations came from a “Dirty Harry” movie, “A good man knows his limitations.” Obama’s big limitation is foreign affairs, and he addressed this with his choice of Biden. His first decision as a candidate was excellent. (The choice of Biden, coupled with the choice of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State, makes the Obama administration rock solid in an area that Obama, personally, is weak. A good man, indeed, knows his limitations.) I am impressed.

McCain, on the other hand, disappointed me beyond any possible expectation. He chose Palin. A Governor for two years, this really tied Republican hands to paint Obama as inexperienced. A person with total disdain for rational thought, she proposed that dinosaurs roamed the Earth as recently as 5,000 years ago. If she was referring to her fellow Republicans, she would have had a point, but she wasn’t. She was referring to actual dinosaurs! McCain chose this backward bumpkin solely for her appeal to the backward bumpkins that got us in the mess we’re in in the first place! Her only accomplishment that she could point to proudly was killing the “Bridge to Nowhere,” showing that she does have more fiscal restraint than any Republican has had for 30 years. But generally, McCain’s choice was a disaster. He obviously was driven by his ambition, not his concern for the country. Why didn’t he just pick Paris Hilton?

Sorry John, but you lost because you abandoned those that loved you, moderates and independents. You tried to paint yourself as a maverick during the campaign, but your choice of Palin painted you as a butt-kisser. You probably could have been a good President, but you’re in a demographic that is capable of dropping dead, and the thought of President Palin made my sphincter pucker. More so, even, than the thought of a Democratic monopoly in Washington. (Where’s the antacid?)

So Sarah, get real. Any media source that says you are not a dingbat is biased toward bumpkins. Only the most stupid, backward and ignorant people on this the face of this Earth could look anybody straight in the eye and claim that you are capable of running the local PTA, much less a superpower. I wanted John McCain, the real John McCain, to win. But the real John McCain doesn’t exist anymore; he’s sold out to the extreme right. Sarah Palin is living proof.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Race in America

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 23, 2009

Race in America. This is not about the Indianapolis 500. This is about a massive pain in the ass. Attorney General Eric Holder says we are cowards for not talking about race. Right wing pundit Britt Hume said that no one in their right mind would talk about race, the issue is too explosive. So what we need is someone that isn’t a coward, but not in their right mind, to talk frankly on the matter. Thus, I am qualified.

Why do we have to define people by their heritage? We are Americans! Not this kind of American, or that kind of American, or those kinds of Americans.

Labels are lies. I would be defined as White. Of Northern European heritage, living in a region where the Sun makes only rare visits, I’m about as pale as a human can get. However, I am not white, I’m kind of a light pinkish tan color. Goths have to use gallons of makeup to look genuinely white. White is a lie. I used to work with a guy that is as dark as a man can get. From a distance he does indeed looks black, but from less distance it is obvious he is not black, but a really dark, dark brown. Most “blacks” are obviously not black. Black is a lie. These labels are tools to keep us divided. These aren’t the only labels, there are labels for all kinds of heritages, and many of them are downright nasty. Why? To me, there are two kinds of people, the righteous and the assholes. We don’t need any more labels than that. If you insist on using the other labels, guess which label I’d put on you. Defining each other with labels keeps us at odds with each other, and feed our cultural differences.

A stupid cartoon is putting this issue in the headlines. It suggests a chimpanzee wrote the Stimulus Bill, and it is viewed as an insult to our new President. Al Sharpton is one of the people making the most noise about this. Normally I like Reverend Al, he is usually rational, and he has a terrific sense of humor. However, he is wrong this time. The reality is, Obama didn’t write this bill, Nancy Pelosi and her circle wrote it. The cartoonist even pointed this out. And I have to agree, Pelosi is about as smart as a chimp. Put the “Race Card” back in the deck, and try to keep it there. If one wanted to point out that the cartoon wasn’t very funny, he’d have a point.

There are bigots out there, a lot of them. And they come in all colors. Those that feel justified being bigots because of what somebody’s great-grandfather did to their great-grandfather are of the breed of asshole known as a bigot. If someone wants to label me an asshole, well, there are those of every color of the rainbow that will agree with them. If someone wants to label me a “Cracker” I will label them a bigot.

I once knew a “Self-Loathing Black.” He was half-African, but looked totally African. However, he had the same attitude about Africans as Jesse Helms. He was vicious! This man totally amazed me, and I tormented him unmercifully about his hatred. I hope he is doing well, and has softened his attitude. Poor guy really doesn’t have much of a place. Self-Loathing Gays have a home in the Republican Party, but where would this guy be welcome?

A lot of fuss is being made because our President looks African. “Did you think you’d live to see the day?” Yada, yada, yada. All I hope is that he does a good job; the cracker that came before him really screwed the place up.

A lot of my friends and acquaintances have Native American background. This issue is really complicated; yes, Europeans ripped off your ancestors, but most countries were formed by somebody’s ancestors ripping off somebody else’s ancestors. Reservations seem to have the same function as zoos, the only difference is that the subjects on display are humans. If I ever come up with, or encounter, a good plan on how to deal with “American Indians” you will see it here. Ideas are welcome.

Gender differences are another issue entirely. Women have caused me untold misery, but I still love them. I don’t think a good plan on how to deal with them will ever be encountered. Ideas are futile.

We have to let go of the past. We can’t forget it, or we won’t learn from it. However, we have to get rid of injustices that are occurring now! Affirmative action is not the answer. Reverse racism is racism. Get rid of it.

Education is a big part of the solution. The lack of education in the inner cities is a national problem; the idea of local financing of local schools is killing us. White bread suburban school districts have good teacher to student ratios, and the best technology available. Many still fail because of bad management, but in general it keeps the privileged, privileged. Even state by state differences vary the quality of education. Education is a national issue, it should be dealt with in national manner. “No Child Left Behind” is a joke. It makes schools that don’t have much money blow a bunch of money teaching kids how to take tests. If these tests tested kids the way they’ll be tested in real life, it might have a chance. But as there isn’t a big market for test takers, this program is a dud.

The best thing to solve the race issue is interracial breeding. Already people with backward minds have to watch what they say. You never know who had a beloved grandmother that was half minority. Klans will get smaller and smaller, because there will be fewer and fewer Americans of pure race. In the past, life was tougher on mixed race children, but as time moves on race will become a non-issue. I’m not saying to go knock someone up just because they’re a different color, but if you love someone that doesn’t look like the people in your family, don’t let race become an obstacle.

By the way, Eric Holder and Britt Hume can kiss my ass. I wouldn’t label either one as righteous.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I Feel So Stimulated!

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 17, 2009

Today we get our new economic stimulus plan. Oh Boy! This is going to be good!

This bipartisan plan (it did get three Republican votes) is designed to give our economy a good kick-start toward prosperity. This stroke of genius will devalue our dollar, sell our banks to foreign interests, and drive our debt so high that our great-grandchildren won’t even get it paid off! Ain’t that swell? Excuse me, I have to look up “prosperity” in my dictionary, it seems I’ve had it wrong all these years.

Obama wanted support from Republicans, he wined them and dined them but then he let the Democratic leadership in the House write the damn thing. After years of getting pushed around by Bush and his extreme right cronies, the Democrats in the House are not in the mood for anything resembling bipartisanship. The Republicans are intransigent, being really sore losers, and after three decades they all of the sudden rediscovered fiscal responsibility! The parties are making this a showdown, gambling big. If the economy shows measurable improvement in two years, it’s a win for Democrats, and Republicans will be driven even closer to extinction. If the economy is still faltering two years from now, Obama might be dealing with a Republican Congress.

Our hope is that history repeats itself. It seems like Republicans get us into big economic messes, like the Depression (Hoover), the 1975 Recession (Nixon, Ford), the malaise of 1991-92 (Bush the Elder) and then get bailed out by Democrats. Another point is Buchanan, considered the worst President, was followed by the best, Lincoln. Bush the Junior is to be ranked right down there with Buchanan, Fillmore, et al, so maybe, if history is nice, Obama will turn out to be up there in skill with Lincoln, Roosevelt, and other leaders that got the country out of big messes. What is very scary about this particular disaster is that many Democrats in Congress, many still in Congress, were of great assistance to the GOP in creating the mortgage crisis, which has been the grease in this downhill slide.

So even if Obama is great, he still has to deal with a Congress full of idiots. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t even belong there, much less be there in a leadership position. On the other side of the aisle, we have John Boner (did I spell that wrong?), who is pretty much the same story. The Senate is in a very sad situation. There actually are some moderates in the Senate, but they tend to get kicked into the corner and forced to wear dunce hats.

The big problem is that American politics has been taken over by the stupid. The GOP has had big wins appealing to the backward and ignorant of the Deep South, rural areas, and places like Alaska. The Dems have their base among the undereducated of the inner cities. Anyone with an I.Q. North of the Mason-Dixon Line is left scratching his or her head trying to figure out who is the lesser of two evils. The problem is that there isn’t a lesser evil.

It has been demonstrated that the country runs best when power is divided. When Congress and the Presidency are in gridlock, they tend to do the least damage. Look at the last six years of Slick Willie’s terms. America ran like a well-oiled watch, at least until the GOP tormented Bill for liking women. How dare he! He should like men and little boys, like they do! Then you look at W’s first six, you get the definition of disaster. Not only did Republicans have control of the House, Senate and the White House, the Democrats showed their intestinal fortitude by caving at every reasonable opportunity. The past two years weren’t long enough to show much progress, mainly because the Republicans, being losers, did the best possible job of being pains in the ass.

Hopefully, very hopefully, this plan might work. The tax breaks will have a modest, but immediate effect. People building roads and bridges will not only be employed, but will eat at the local lunch counters. And the ripple effect will continue. The Art Community will employ artists, who will no longer have to work at the lunch counters, creating openings for unemployed youths. Other facets of the program also might create jobs. Ignore the whinings of the sore losers, there actually isn’t a whole lot of “Pork” in this bill. And the most attractive facet of this plan is that it is based on a “Trickle Up” theory, which is much more realistic than “Trickle Down.” Republicans seem to think that the money mongers are the power behind an economy, that thy will somehow direct the money in ways beneficial to the economy. Sorry Bozos, you really overrate your importance. The working class is the engine that drives our country. Republicans are short sighted; they like handing the money directly to the rich, which shows the general stupidity of the GOP. Get the money to middle class, and the money will get to the rich, even more money than if it’s handed directly to them, it just requires a little patience. That is because the middle class is equally stupid, because they will spend their money at Wal Mart, Best Buy and other “Big Box” stores rather than the local markets, destroying any hope of anybody of their class achieving the American Dream.

If it seems like foreign economies are being treated as if they don’t matter, well they don’t, at least not much. They need us more than we need them, for the time being.

So hang on. We are in a tailspin. Will we pull out of it? Will we make a graceful splash in the Hudson? Or will we land flat? Pray for the best. There are no atheists in foxholes.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Yapping at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 9, 2009

Moon, these are wonderful days for me. I am gonna yap at you like a wound up miniature dachshund!

After years of well deserved hacking at Republicans, it is time for change! Now that Republicans are almost as extinct as the other dinosaurs, we have a new group to bash, Democrats!
Reaching for that pie in the sky, the left wingers can’t concentrate on real world solutions. We need a job creation program, but those boneheads can’t let a good program come into being without cluttering it up with everybody’s pet projects. 0.8 means you are drunk, and having 0.8 trillion at their disposal makes these loonies stupid drunk! How is a program that prevents sexually transmitted diseases going to create jobs? If nobody catches the Clap, we won’t need nurses giving out Penicillin shots. Jobs lost. Thank the Republicans for gettin’ rid of this one.

I do believe in putting money into alternative energy. Remember last summer? We paid $4 for a gallon of gasoline, and now we have no money. Get the connection?

Donald Trump says we’re not using our brains in protecting our country. Duh! If Obama wants to change anything, change that. Find somebody that can figure out his or her taxes, for a start.

After two years of talking change, Obama is filling his Cabinet with privileged insiders. Sounds more like same old, same old. Where’s the change?

The right still believes in tax cuts. We’ve had tax cuts! They don’t work for shit! Their effect is immediate, but very weak. Very little bang for the buck. Republicans are slow learners, they can’t learn from history. We need history books with more pictures.

The new Chairman of the Republican Party says bipartisanship is over-rated. Did I mention that Republicans are slow learners?

A big deal is being made that the stimulus package received no Republican votes in the House. About 30 GOP House members considered voting for the plan, but were extorted to vote against it. Like the other dinosaurs, Republicans have brains the size of walnuts.

Republican leaders in the Senate claim that Obama’s stimulus plan will lead to disaster. Better listen, these guys are very skilled at engineering disasters.

It seems like every time they refer to recessions of the past, not to mention the Depression, Republicans were in power at the time. We have to find somebody that can draw pictures of economic disasters for a lesson book for the GOP.

Dick Cheney claims that reading people their rights is putting America in danger. America is all about rights! People’s rights are the foundation of our country! Forget about human rights and you forget about America! How many ways can this be said? Cheney, you Dick, just crawl into a hole and shut up. Despite the damage you’ve done, you still have the right to speak. Please don’t. I would leave Republicans alone if they would just sit in the corner and face reality! They lost any semblance of power in this country because they are massive screw-ups!

Anybody that wants to promote compromise should watch how their representatives in Congress act in the next two years, when the House members, and a third of Senators, come up for re-election. Unload John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi ASAP!

Pelosi is letting power get to her head. She should quit being so stupid or she might be selling pencils two years from now.

I drove over the 35W bridge in Minneapolis just days before it collapsed. Didn’t know I was cheating death. Bridges all across the country are going bad, and not enough of the billions are allotted to fix this; instead, this major league problem is getting a drop in the bucket. Bridge building creates a lot of quality jobs, and in hard hit sectors of the market. And insist on American steel. Not only is this good for the American economy, America knows how to make steel. Chinese and Japanese steel is crap. I’m a machinist, I know steel.

If you’re going to make tax cuts, don’t make them without direction. Give companies tax credits for hiring. Give consumers tax credits for buying cars, and houses (a good Republican idea. They do exist.)

The Democrats are funding the health program for children with a cigarette tax, but the “Stimulus” contains a smoking cessation program. They’re counting on one or the other to fail. What else in their plans is set up to fail?

The first bill Obama signed into law was to make women’s pay equal to men’s pay. As ideologically laudable the principle, is that what we need now? Making it more expensive to keep people employed? Pie-in-the-Sky. As noted by others, he didn’t allow five days for public comment, as promised.

Somebody should tell Rush Limbaugh every good American, Democrat, Republican, or whatever, wants Obama to succeed. Anyone that wants the country to go further down the tubes just to prove himself right might as well join Al-Qaeda.

Limbaugh has 20 million listeners; some of them actually take him seriously! Further evidence that the American educational system is failing. Brains the size of walnuts.

A Catholic bishop denies that 6 million Jews were gassed by Nazis during the 1930’s and 40’s. He has a point. 6 million Jews died, but a lot of them were shot, drowned, or failed to survive ghastly medical experiments. Most of those that expired during the construction of V-1 and V-2 missiles succumbed to fumes from welding galvanized metal; can that be considered gassed?

The Nazis also killed disabled people, including gays. Gypsy’s, blacks, etc., those guys just couldn’t run out of reasons to make people dead. Loads of evidence, bodies and bones included, support the existence of the Holocaust. Even Nazis proudly admitted it as the nooses tightened. This bishop wants you to accept Catholicism solely on faith, but he won’t accept the Holocaust in the face of tons (literally, tons) of evidence. I’d keep an eye on this guy when he’s around altar boys. There is a lot of evidence that buggering children is a bad thing.

The Catholic Church failed it’s Christian duty during the Nazi era. I guess it is hard to break tradition; it is still failing it’s Christian duty.

The Governor of Illinois got the boot. He proclaims his innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence against him. He has the full support of Catholic bishops.

Some people are making a stink because Jessica Simpson put on a couple of pounds. With eating disorders among young women nearly a pandemic, this behavior is incomprehensible. Jessica still looks hot. Besides, she’s a singer, not a supermodel. And she doesn’t wear silly hats.

After Michael Phelps won 8 medals in Beijing, he went for some Acapulco gold.

PETA is using scantily clad young women to make broccoli look sexy. Or are they using broccoli to make scantily clad young women look inedible?

These same characters are trying to make us feel all warm and fuzzy about fish by calling them “Sea Kittens.” Put one of these folks in the water with a 15-foot great white sea kitten and see who’s who on the food chain. Actually, sharks usually take a taste of a human and spit it out, kind of like broccoli.

An Airbus made an emergency landing in New York’s Hudson River due to engine failure. Bird remains have been found in both of the plane’s engines. Of course they are no longer birds, they’re now known as “Air Puppies.”

Now we have to watch out for infected peanut butter, from Georgia. What did Jimmy Carter have to do with this?

One lady had survived two forms of Cancer, and was ready to come home from the hospital, but she was finished off by bad peanut butter. I’m going to stick with sea kittens.

People in the disaster areas of Kentucky and Missouri, etc., are advised not to eat the peanut butter in their emergency rations. Nice choices, starve to death or die gagging.

The government says it is going to take steps to prevent bad food from entering our country’s markets. I thought they were always doing that, but it turns out that the FDA was protecting food producers from dying consumers. It makes sense. This is the same outfit that protects the producers of anti-depressants from the families of users that commit suicide.

China is suffering it’s worst drought in half a century. America grows a lot of food. This is a tremendous opportunity to relieve some of our trade deficit. But our food supply must be trustworthy. We have a better chance of making broccoli look sexy.

A 93-year-old World War II vet froze to death in his Michigan home after the local electric company limited his power. Don’t you just love deregulation?

Unregulated free markets don’t work, Socialism doesn’t work, the only thing that will work is a free market with strong government oversight. Then we need a government with strong voter oversight. Then we need voters educated by someone more rational than Rush Limbaugh. We have a better chance of making scantily clad young women look inedible.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t know, they’re still using whale oil lamps.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? Ain’t gonna happen. They talk change, but they seem happy with the old, burnt out bulb.

Sorry, Moon. Unlike a miniature dachshund, I can’t yap forever. Good night, try to get some sleep now.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

We Are All Nuts

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 3, 2008

An eight-year-old girl answers the door to greet Santa Clause, and gets shot in the face. She soon dies. Santa proceeds to kill eight more, then himself. A three-year-old goes missing, is found dead months later. She was murdered, presumably by her own mother. A man in Australia throws his four-year-old daughter off a bridge; she plunges 190 feet to her death. A Vice-President and his puppet use falsified intelligence to get the country into a war we have no business fighting, killing hundreds of thousands of people, including 5,000 of our own. Millions of Americans are consuming tons of drugs and gallons of alcohol to feel good when feeling good is tough to do. I could go on and on forever, these are just a few sad examples.

Are these people criminal or insane? Everybody tries to draw a line between the two, and courts try to make a legal definition that still relies on the opinion of “experts.” The problem is that the Human species has not developed sanity. I don’t think we ever will. We are all nuts, some just a little crazy, and some totally whacko; it’s just a matter of degree. Murder is considered the most heinous crime; anyone that commits murder has to be playing with less than a full deck. Nazis are some of history’s most notorious murderers, did they impress anyone as being fully rational? They were consumed by hatred, twisted, boiling hatred. They were hanged, and they deserved it. Or did they? Maybe they should’ve gotten treatment. Hell no. It’s too bad we couldn’t hang the devils twice.

One thing that might help crazy people is to let them know they are far from alone. Anybody that claims that they never wanted to wring somebody’s neck is most likely lying. Nothing causes stress and despair like feeling alone. If somebody says something crazy, don’t make as if they have an incurable disease, talk them down, tell them they don’t have to do what the dog says. Tell them how you deal with your own crazy thoughts. If you think none of your thoughts are crazy, you have a problem, and need immediate help. If you take anything Rush Limbaugh says seriously, for example, you need to be permanently incarcerated.

Instead of a system of prisons and mental institutions, with “experts” determining who goes where, we need prisons, prisons with the ability to deal with mental health issues. Judges would set a minimum sentence, with the condition that the offender be declared “safe” before release.

So let’s not try to make a distinction between criminal and insane. Treat them all like criminals, or treat them all like nuts. Anybody can shop around and find an “expert” that will declare them insane, and prosecutors can find “experts” that will declare them sane. Psychiatry is not a precise art, simply because the difference between a sound mind and one that isn’t so sound is a very gray area. So relax, have a drink, maybe smoke a joint, and tell the dog he’s talking shit.

Monday, January 26, 2009

i luv txt

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

January 26,2009

Do not read or send text messages while driving. Other than that, text away! What a fantastic method of communication; the impact of text is far reaching.

Once a person gets acquainted with text, the obvious advantages are convenience; you read and respond to text when you want to, no digging for ringing phones, and efficiency; text often works in places phone calls don’t. Also, if someone sends you a phone number, you end up with the number right on your phone, no need to search for pen and paper.

Less obvious is text’s potential to improve the English language. English is a mixture of several other languages, and has all kinds of weird rules and exceptions to rules, making things much more difficult than they need to be. English has slowly evolved over the years, but improvement has met resistance from anal-retentive types. I remember a newspaper column titled “Our Lively Language”, but the writer’s apparent mission was to make English as dead as Latin. And there are thousands like her. People that freak out if you put “I” before “E” after “C.” Why not just “I” before “E?” A much easier rule to reinforce. Just a few years ago, my child brought home a textbook that said plow was spelled plough! Maybe in jolly old England, but not in 20th century America! At that time, I had to explain that, on occasion, real life is different than what school tries to tell you. A tough but important lesson. If you ever used the word plough, people would wonder what pluff is. Or is it a ploff? Plew? Ploe? It’s the 21st century now, we need 21st century language.

I think text will speed up the process of making English more user friendly. Some of the habits developed during texting will spread to everyday use. Unnecessary letters will be discarded. Dumb will lose the dumb “B” and just be dum. Abbreviations will be bountiful, without a period in sight! Apostrophe? Wuts an apostrophe? The anal-retentive will lose control of their sphincters! (Sphincter will always be spelled sphincter.) Don’t like it? Tuff!

It does appear English is already compact; when looking at instructions in multiple languages, the English paragraph is frequently shortest. It can still be made more efficient. American English is already vastly different from pluperfect Queen’s English, and that is a good thing. The most powerful country in the history of the World should have it’s own language. The English don’t like change, Americans thrive on change; and figuring out how things should be spelled is a good change. Texting might help other languages, too. Do you think texters in France use the silent X? Do Germans capitalize every noun when they text? I have no idea how the Chinese text.

I butcher English with pleasure. If I butcher facts, I feel bad, I like to be factual. But English needs some serious surgery. So text, text, txt, and have a good nite.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It Ain’t Nigger Day!

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

January 14, 2009

Thursday, January 15th, will be the 80th anniversary of the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr. The following Monday, the 19th, will be celebrated as a national holiday through most of the United States. Too many people fail to understand the importance of this day.

A doctor of theology, King is thought of as a black leader. To most, a black leader is thought of as someone taking every advantage of a photo opportunity, playing the race card even when it doesn’t belong in the deck. America is sick of these people; they even lose respect for the movement. Dr. King wasn’t a black leader. Yes, he was black, and he certainly was a leader; but he was a leader for all of humankind. There are other leaders like him; however, none of them manage to get the airtime the self promoters receive.

King had a message for every man, woman and child on this planet: love one another, echoing the sentiments of other great leaders. He didn’t just advance the black race, he advanced the human race. His principles of love and non-violent resistance have been expoused by the greatest of history’s leaders. They need to be repeated, often, and he repeated them at a time they really needed to be heard.

There may be those that disagree, but I don’t feel a desire for brotherhood is immoderate.

Should you hear someone refer to the upcoming holiday as “Nigger Day”, you are listening to the voice of someone that doesn’t understand how much American society improves every day that we take a step toward achieving Dr. Kings dream. It should be pointed out that niggers are imaginary beings, created not by God, nor Satan; they exist only in the minds of weak and frightened men.

So take this day to remember that once in while there are those born to us that make this great country greater. And maybe observe a moment of silence to think about what we lost that day in Memphis.

“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become reality. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. “

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

January 10, 2009

How do you spell relief? This is the last Moon to look upon us as ruled by George Bush and friends. Next Moon we will have a new President. Contrary to popular belief, Obama cannot and will not walk on water, but we will no longer need hip waders to walk through the bullshit coming out of the White House. I guarantee that Obama will be much more honest with us than Dick Cheney and his Muppet, W.

We are in deep trouble. Congress and two Presidents are trying to figure out how bail out our economy. It’s like trying to bail out the Titanic with an ice cream bucket.

Car companies are in trouble, but car insurance companies must be making money hand over fist! How can they save us so much money when they are spending multiple millions on advertising? I’m sick of it. I almost miss the political ads. Do you smell some sort of racket?

Another racket is those guys that want to buy your old gold jewelry, etc. You will get screwed. Take your stuff to some legitimate jewelers to find the best deal.

This year, for a New Years resolution, I decided to try something achievable! I swore to become an alcoholic! But, as usual, I’m failing. One beer doesn’t qualify.

I might go back to smoking a lot of Pot, but then...uh, what was I talking about?

Osama bin Laden is a genius. An evil genius, but a genius all the same. All he needed was one attack, then let Bush use fear and hatred as tools to start stripping us of our American rights. America is about our constitution, not about flags. Face it, compared to almost any other country, we are safe, our greatest danger is paranoia. Big Brother is alive and well and must be stopped.

Bill Richardson withdrew his nomination as Commerce Secretary because of some questions about a campaign contributor. I really, really hope everything is on the up and up. I have respected Richardson as an honest and rational man for a long time. If he turns out to be dirty, I will lose all faith.

George Bush the senior thinks his son Jeb should be President. I think the Bush’s should practice birth control. Let’s send them all gift certificates from Planned Parenthood.

The comedy of the Minnesota Senate race is crawling to the finish. Democrat Al Franken has been certified the winner over Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes. But there will be court challenges, likely followed by more court challenges. Too bad they can’t both lose.

I’m a long-suffering Minnesota Vikings fan. All Viking fans deserve the title of long-suffering. I’m surrounded by Packers fans, so I suffer more.

One of the most dangerous situations to be dealt with is in Pakistan. Al-Quaida has a good foothold there, with plenty of friends and hiding places. The government is weak, and has minimal control over the Army. Pakistan is primarily Muslim, and has frequent conflicts with neighboring India, which is Hindu. Both countries have nuclear arms. Nobody involved likes us a whole lot, so our ability to broker peace is nil. Moon, please tell me everything will be okay.

The Moon is silent, as always. It will be a morning crescent as it watches us usher in a new era in America. Obama is intelligent, with a heart of gold, similar credentials to Jimmy Carter. Carter tended to be paralyzed by indecision. We can’t have indecisiveness now. We need quick work to regain our respect and power in the World, to get our priorities back in order, to return to true American values.

Forgive me Moon if my bark is a little timid tonight.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Let’s Rethink Our Position on Israel

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

January 6, 2009

The Palestinian fundamentalist group Hamas sends rockets into Israel, killing four. Israel responds by bombing the hell out of Gaza Strip, killing hundreds, wounding thousands, many of them Hamas soldiers, but too many women and children. More rockets follow, more heavy handed responses, etc., etc., et fucking cetera.

Neither side is doing what is needed to end this strife. Duh! The question is, why is the U. S. picking sides? While it’s hard not to sympathize with the desire of Jews to have a place where they are safe from extermination, the current American policy of Israel right or wrong has to end. Israel is apparently operating with a “Little Man Complex” that blinds them to any hope of any solution. Yes, the residents of the Gaza are, for the most part, impoverished and ignorant, but all the same, many are rational enough to not want themselves or their loved ones incinerated.

There is a faction of Palestinians that are secular, and wish for peace. Israel’s nasty response is very discouraging to this effort, and is actually making this group look like idiots. Fatah is irrelevant, and any effort on attaining peace hinges on encouraging support for them, not blowing them up!

American policy has to become more realistic and rational. The Bush administration has been good at fooling the religious fundamentalists in this country into believing that they have a heart and a soul, using hot button social issues such as abortion and gay rights. Obama and his bunch need to rethink our policies, promote the principles of love and peace. We can’t support the current Israeli government any more than we can support Hamas. Our efforts must be centered on bolstering President Abbas and his Fatah party. So far, it isn’t looking good. Obama talks about change, but doesn’t sound like he has the intestinal fortitude to make change. This is the same attitude that brought Kennedy to escalate the “police action” in Viet Nam that was in it’s infancy when he took office. We all know how that went. Disaster. Now, thirty years after that ignoble defeat, Viet Nam is a tourist trap! The “Domino Theory” didn’t pan out, we should have just left the bad guys beat up each other instead of trying to sell us on the idea that some of the bad guys are good.

In the Gaza Strip conflict, there are good guys! While Abbas and Fatah aren’t gold plated good guys, by Muslim standards they are surprisingly rational and peace loving. Our blind support of Israel is damaging to peace. It has been for decades. It will be a slow process, but if Israel doesn’t help Palestinians with a desire for peace gain a foothold on power, eventually whacko powers of the Muslim world will get more seriously involved, and the rockets hitting Israel will be nuclear tipped. It will be Obama’s responsibility to help point this out, instead of supporting massive retaliation. France, remember them? The guys we should have listened to in 2003? They want Israel to chill out for 48 hours. 48 hours! Two stinkin’ days! And Israel refuses, claiming that Hamas will re-arm if they back off for a minute. Have they no brain? Do they not understand that their attacks are exactly what the insurgents need to garner sympathy and gain recruits? They have done exactly the same thing before, with poor results. I’m beginning to think Israelis are slooow learners.

Israel is wrong, and the United States has to make this clear to Israel’s current government in no uncertain terms. Palestinians must be rewarded for supporting Fatah, bring Fatah to the table and show the people the pathway to peace. Get food, medicine and other basic needs to the residents of Gaza and give the credit to Abbas and company. Hamas was elected because of Israel’s persecution. Israel exists largely through American support, let the World know we can no longer support the mindless murder of innocents. Israel’s militaristic government was elected by the people, with confidence that U. S. support would continue no matter what lunacy the paranoiacs they elected did. Our next President talks a good talk; does he have the guts to walk it?