Thursday, February 25, 2010

Laughing with the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate
February 25, 2010
Moon, you can laugh, you're a quarter million miles away. I have to laugh to keep from crying.
Obama, what a disappointment. We needed someone with tremendous skill and intelligence to get us out of the mess the Bush bunch got us into, and we get this character that can screw up a wet dream. This dumb-ass was elected to reform the financial system, but instead of financial reform, he's spending all of his time on health care reform and pollution control while Wall Street is still getting seven figure bonuses and the middle class is broke. You stupid shit head, get the country running on all cylinders and back to prosperity, your popularity would be incredible, then nobody, from Maxine Watters to John Boner (did I spell that wrong?) would dare to step out of line when you push your pet programs. Obummer.
Now we have the "Tea Party." I guarantee you that these clowns are not drinking tea. Anybody that thinks dingbats like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann make sense must be smoking crack with their bourbon. And they believe the "Birthers." Hawaii might seem nice, but it is still part of the United States. Remember how pissed off the U.S. got when the Japs bombed it? Duh!
The Republican Party IS the party of "No!" No compassion, no integrity, no ideas.
The Democratic Party is the party of "Moe," as in Larry, Curly and Moe. And Moe government!
I am impressed with the dignity W is displaying in his time out of office. Dick Cheney, on the other hand, is still the bastard from hell. A leopard can't change his spots.
Car Insurance must be one hell of a racket. They're damn near the only businesses that can still afford to advertise!
The rest of the ads are from lawyers suing drug companies. That is why I only do drugs that are not FDA approved!
The cops in Murderapolis were braggin' that there were only 19 murders there last year. The thugs must have felt 'dissed, the murder rate is back to normal, with seven just in January.
Sarah Palin writes notes on her hand. Hey, ding-a-ling, you're not in junior high anymore.
Raul Emanuel shouldn't call people "Retards," Democrats are supposed to be politically correct. Rush Limbaugh shouldn't call people "Retards," without retards he wouldn't have an audience!
Bailout? Hell, the best thing to happen to General motors is Toyota. Honda is having trouble, too. I guess cheap Japanese crap is still cheap Japanese crap. Buy a Buick.
A killer whale killed one of it's trainers. Maybe now some of these morons will figure how these critters got their name.
Those boneheads from Idaho, (where else?), were supposed to save orphans in Haiti, but none of the 33 kids they grabbed were actually orphans! These people were up to something shady. I don't know what they had planned for the girls, but I think they were going to sell the little boys to priests.
Moon, I can't laugh anymore, I'm going to start crying. Your laughter just makes it hurt more. I'm going to send my pennies, (all three of them!), to NASA to help buy another rocket to shove up your dark side.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Hiding from the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

December 2, 2009

Hello, Moon, I haven’t barked at you for a while, sorry. I know I promised to keep in touch; I’m not always the best at keeping promises. Just ask my ex-wife. It’s hard to get in the mood for typing during the brief Wisconsin summer.

Wisconsin has two seasons: Summer and Bummer.

I’m pretty disappointed with President Obama’s performance. I was so hoping he’d be great, the way Lincoln followed Buchanan. It’s more like Curly following Moe.

He needs to focus! Focus on what is needed now! He pulled our economy out of a freefall, (Thank You, Mr. President!), but great attention must be paid to getting the recovery moving. A jobless recovery isn’t a recovery: jobs have to be priority number one. W and his crew got this country sliding into third world status, the only thing that can stop it is getting this great country back to work! Either that or we’ll be digging for grub worms for lunch.

And then he’s got two wars to worry about. One is a true quagmire, and it seems like it is cooling for him. It was a war that shouldn’t have been started. Getting out of there will be much appreciated.

Afghanistan is a big problem. There isn’t any way out of there without us getting screwed. We have no way of winning this war without forming alliances with filthy warlords, which will, of course, turn around and bite us, or, let these warlords form alliances with the Taliban, which will, of course, lead to the end of life on Earth as we know it. Afghanistan is ruled by warlords, always has been, and will be for the foreseeable future.

We’ve got to quit worrying about what is happening in other countries so much. They will evolve! Remember, it was less than 200 years ago this country had slavery, was in the process of exterminating natives, and women here weren’t treated any better than they are in Saudi Arabia. Lead by example; don’t shove rockets down their throat. Our perfect union needs to be made more perfect, take the moral high ground here at home! Other countries will follow suit. It will be hard to promote human rights around the World when there are plenty of human wrongs still occurring here.

For one thing, let gays get married. I still don’t understand why they should be spared the misery.

In a case of outright genocide, such as in Darfur, maybe we should’ve gotten involved, but we didn’t. I guess Haliburton didn’t see any profit there.

Obama has to hang up his hopes of bipartisanship. The Republicans are doing nothing but obstruction, and what makes him think the same people that spent the previous eight years running the country into the ground have any good ideas? Hey Moe, what do you think I should do about Iraq?

A woman wants to skip out of the military to take care of her baby. Hey ladies, you wanted to have equal rights to kill strange people, now you’ve got it! And you know the military doesn’t like babies, they blow them up by the thousands!

Health care needs reform, has for decades, but Obama is wasting too much time, and too much of Congress’s time, trying to push it through in big hurry. You know damn well that if Congress is given a lot of time, they will screw things up. If they are rushed, they will screw it up worse!

I’m a big believer in letting states be the incubator of ideas. Let the states come up with solutions to health care, then adapt what works on a national level. You know damn well the 2,000 pages of garbage the U.S. Congress is pulling out of thin air is just going to give it to us in the wrong end.

The environment is an urgent problem, but there will be no solution if we’re burning the stubs from our unemployment checks for heat. Give it a rest, concentrate on getting the country back on it’s feet. I know the goobers that listen to Glenn Beck think the atmosphere reaches to the stars, when, relatively speaking, it’s as thin as an apple peel, but now, especially with allegations of “trick” data surfacing, it is not the time to push it.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Just asked Tiger Woods. He lost his reputation and a couple of teeth.

Forget about Huckabee in 2012. He’s got a Willie Horton on steroids. I’m not a big fan of cops, but I don’t like to see them die. Just maim their arms so they can’t club you so hard.

Sarah Palin wrote a book. At least she dictated a book to someone that knows how to write. She’s sold more books than there are Republicans that can read.

Moon, I will write you another time, I’m sure. No promises this time. No promises made, no promises broken. And thank you for not throwing anything at me, those meteorites can leave a mark.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

Moon, I’ve been a bad blogger. No posts for a month! I could give you a hundred lousy excuses, but I’m sure you’ve heard ‘em all.

A prominent moderate Senator switched from the Republican to the Democratic Party. Republicans are forcing any sign of moderation from their party. The shame is, politically, it might work for them. Democrats are profiting from embracing moderates, as their base isn’t loyal enough to carry them.

There still are only 99 Senators. The Minnesota race is going to a higher court, sure to go to another higher court or two. Franken is an extremist, and, should Coleman pull it off some how, he would be forced to the other extreme by his party. Franken most likely will be the winner, but moderation is sure to be the loser.

A friend was yelling at his cat. A neighbor called the cops on a domestic abuse. Nobody got abused until the cops came. The cops, among other things, threw a disabled woman to the floor. Justice is nasty in Polk County, Wisconsin. The cat survived unharmed.

A thirteen year old boy is refusing modern medical treatment for one of the most treatable cancers, due to his religious beliefs. He could choose to live, or try his luck with herbal remedies. Gotta wish the kid luck. If it works for him it would be fantastic. On the other hand, it might be a case of the stupid killing himself off before he could breed. Win, win either way.

Some bone head flew a copy of Air Force One over the Statue of Liberty, causing massive panic in this panic stricken World. For a photo opportunity! What, Photoshop isn’t good enough? Our government needs people that can think! Is this two administrations in row full of idiots?

I wonder if we’d be as worried about the journalist imprisoned in Iran if she wasn’t an exotic looking babe?

I have to part with my fellow moderates concerning the legalization of Marijuana. Pot is a little stronger than coffee, and slightly less addictive. It would be an estimated turnaround of 7 billion dollars if we taxed it instead of prohibiting it. A lot of the opposition is because smokers are afraid the quality of the product probably would decrease. Plus, making it legal would make it less fun.

I support gay marriage, but I am tired of watrching them kiss on the Evening News. Just let them get hitched and screw up their lives like straight people have been doing for centuries, and if anybody wants to watch the groom kiss the groom, they'll have to attend the ceremony.

Fishing season in Wisconsin! Time to catch and eat some cool, fresh, sea kittens. No broccoli to harvest here until September.

I celebrated a birthday a couple weeks ago. Didn't celebarate too hard, 56, whoopee. Yeah, let's celebrate bad knees, weak eyes and gray hair.

Sorry Moon, gotta go. I’ll be back next month, I promise.