Laughing with the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

The Extreme Moderate

February 25, 2010

Moon, you can laugh, you're a quarter million miles away. I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Obama, what a disappointment. We needed someone with tremendous skill and intelligence to get us out of the mess the Bush bunch got us into, and we get this character that can screw up a wet dream. This dumb-ass was elected to reform the financial system, but instead of financial reform, he's spending all of his time on health care reform and pollution control while Wall Street is still getting seven figure bonuses and the middle class is broke. You stupid shit head, get the country running on all cylinders and back to prosperity, your popularity would be incredible, then nobody, from Maxine Watters to John Boner (did I spell that wrong?) would dare to step out of line when you push your pet programs. Obummer.

Now we have the "Tea Party." I guarantee you that these clowns are not drinking tea. Anybody that thinks dingbats like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann make sense must be smoking crack with their bourbon. And they believe the "Birthers." Hawaii might seem nice, but it is still part of the United States. Remember how pissed off the U.S. got when the Japs bombed it? Duh!

The Republican Party IS the party of "No!" No compassion, no integrity, no ideas.

The Democratic Party is the party of "Moe," as in Larry, Curly and Moe. And Moe government!

I am impressed with the dignity W is displaying in his time out of office. Dick Cheney, on the other hand, is still the bastard from hell. A leopard can't change his spots.

Car Insurance must be one hell of a racket. They're damn near the only businesses that can still afford to advertise!

The rest of the ads are from lawyers suing drug companies. That is why I only do drugs that are not FDA approved!

The cops in Murderapolis were braggin' that there were only 19 murders there last year. The thugs must have felt 'dissed, the murder rate is back to normal, with seven just in January.

Sarah Palin writes notes on her hand. Hey, ding-a-ling, you're not in junior high anymore.

Raul Emanuel shouldn't call people "Retards," Democrats are supposed to be politically correct. Rush Limbaugh shouldn't call people "Retards," without retards he wouldn't have an audience!

Bailout? Hell, the best thing to happen to General motors is Toyota. Honda is having trouble, too. I guess cheap Japanese crap is still cheap Japanese crap. Buy a Buick.

A killer whale killed one of it's trainers. Maybe now some of these morons will figure how these critters got their name.

Those boneheads from Idaho, (where else?), were supposed to save orphans in Haiti, but none of the 33 kids they grabbed were actually orphans! These people were up to something shady. I don't know what they had planned for the girls, but I think they were going to sell the little boys to priests.

Moon, I can't laugh anymore, I'm going to start crying. Your laughter just makes it hurt more. I'm going to send my pennies, (all three of them!), to NASA to help buy another rocket to shove up your dark side.

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

Moon, I’ve been a bad blogger. No posts for a month! I could give you a hundred lousy excuses, but I’m sure you’ve heard ‘em all.

A prominent moderate Senator switched from the Republican to the Democratic Party. Republicans are forcing any sign of moderation from their party. The shame is, politically, it might work for them. Democrats are profiting from embracing moderates, as their base isn’t loyal enough to carry them.

There still are only 99 Senators. The Minnesota race is going to a higher court, sure to go to another higher court or two. Franken is an extremist, and, should Coleman pull it off some how, he would be forced to the other extreme by his party. Franken most likely will be the winner, but moderation is sure to be the loser.

A friend was yelling at his cat. A neighbor called the cops on a domestic abuse. Nobody got abused until the cops came. The cops, among other things, threw a disabled woman to the floor. Justice is nasty in Polk County, Wisconsin. The cat survived unharmed.

A thirteen year old boy is refusing modern medical treatment for one of the most treatable cancers, due to his religious beliefs. He could choose to live, or try his luck with herbal remedies. Gotta wish the kid luck. If it works for him it would be fantastic. On the other hand, it might be a case of the stupid killing himself off before he could breed. Win, win either way.

Some bone head flew a copy of Air Force One over the Statue of Liberty, causing massive panic in this panic stricken World. For a photo opportunity! What, Photoshop isn’t good enough? Our government needs people that can think! Is this two administrations in row full of idiots?

I wonder if we’d be as worried about the journalist imprisoned in Iran if she wasn’t an exotic looking babe?

I have to part with my fellow moderates concerning the legalization of Marijuana. Pot is a little stronger than coffee, and slightly less addictive. It would be an estimated turnaround of 7 billion dollars if we taxed it instead of prohibiting it. A lot of the opposition is because smokers are afraid the quality of the product probably would decrease. Plus, making it legal would make it less fun.

I support gay marriage, but I am tired of watrching them kiss on the Evening News. Just let them get hitched and screw up their lives like straight people have been doing for centuries, and if anybody wants to watch the groom kiss the groom, they'll have to attend the ceremony.

Fishing season in Wisconsin! Time to catch and eat some cool, fresh, sea kittens. No broccoli to harvest here until September.

I celebrated a birthday a couple weeks ago. Didn't celebarate too hard, 56, whoopee. Yeah, let's celebrate bad knees, weak eyes and gray hair.

Sorry Moon, gotta go. I’ll be back next month, I promise.

Obama’s Worst Report Card

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 20, 2009

Every idiot blogger and turdball pundit has been grading our new President’s performance way before enough time has passed to make a truly fair assessment. Being an idiot blogger, and turdball pundit, myself, here is my unfair assessment:

The economy is job number one. Obama somehow drove our economy on a downhill slide years before he took office. Nothing the Bush administration did could slow Obama’s encouragement of the massive collection of “Toxic Assets” that our major financial institutions managed to own, and insure. Now, in the guise of a stimulus, he is giving these institutions more money, taxpayer dollars in fact, to mismanage. He must be given credit for saving the bonuses for the people running these firms. There are those that feel that the executives of the corporations that are being bailed out should be denied their millions of dollars in bonus cash just because they made a couple of little mistakes. Someone in Congress even tried to put a provision in the “bailout” bill to cancel these bonuses! But we can thank the Obama Administration, with the help of their friend, Senator Christopher Dodd, for eliminating this amendment, guaranteeing that these poor fellows will get their hard-earned wages. Obama also deserves an A+ for not giggling when talking about how “outraged” he is about these bonuses. On the down side, Obama is giving the unemployed more money, and extending the time they can collect Unemployment Insurance benefits. Any sensible person knows the best way to deal with unemployment is to let the unemployed starve to death, at which time they will no longer be unemployed. Overall, in dealing with the economy, Obama deserves a D-.

Foreign affairs are a big part of a President’s job. Of course, Obama is screwing this up. Instead of continuing a war against an enemy that posed little threat, he wants to wind that war down. And we haven’t finished the job there! Intelligence gathered during the Bush administration clearly showed that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, but Obama is going to take our troops out of there before said weapons are found! Instead, he’s going to expand the war in Afghanistan, where our actual enemies are found, where 9/11 terrorists trained and had safe harbor! Any idea what a can of worms that would be? Fighting actual enemies? Bush had way more sense than that. He went after an easy target, which was pretty much contained by international forces, and was toppled quite easily. The fact that he stirred up some actual enemies is neither here nor there; his intentions were good. As far as terrorism goes, Obama is looking at the vulnerability of our infrastructure. Bush put all of his energy into protecting airports from further hijackings. Obama seems to think that his Muslim brethren might think of a new way to attack us, and that we might be open to assaults not involving airports! How ridiculous! On top of that, he wants to “talk” to Iran! Have meetings and discussions with the leaders of the pivot point of the “Axis of Evil.” It’s almost like he wants to “Dine with his enemies.” This sounds like something Jesus Christ would say! And, as is obvious to anybody familiar with modern American Christianity, you don’t pay any attention to what Christ said! This is why the biggest objection to this move comes from the heavily Christian extreme Right. On foreign affairs, Obama gets a D-.

When it comes to Cabinet appointments, Obama screwed up again! For Secretary of State, the person responsible for dealing with foreign leaders, he chose someone intelligent, knowledgeable, charming, and experienced in dealing with foreign leaders! He should have found someone incapable of independent thought, someone that does what she is told to do, and says what she is told to say, in a voice with the same pleasant sound as a dental drill. Like Condoleeza Rice! Other Cabinet positions he tried filling with people that got caught scamming on their taxes! He has got to fill these posts with people that are smart enough to scam their taxes with out getting caught! On his Cabinet, Obama gets a D-.

On domestic issues, Obama is screwing up again! One of his first acts as President, he signed a bill continuing the misguided effort to make women equal to men! Nature didn’t even make women equal, who does he think he is to argue with Nature? And then he makes an “Executive Order” to fund stem cell research. Instead of using the hundreds of thousands of unused embryos in an attempt to find cures for horrible diseases, we should stuff those unused embryos into welfare mothers eight or nine at a time! Obama deserves some credit, though, for proposing that injured veterans should let their private insurance pay to treat their injuries. These deadbeat vets think they can travel to a foreign country, get their legs blown off by an IED, then expect the Army to pay for it? How ridiculous! All the same, on the subject of domestic issues, Obama gets a D-.

I could go on and on, then go on and on some more, about how badly Obama has performed these first two months on the job, but I can’t, and I’m sure you can’t, stomach any more. So far, Obama has gotten five or six grades of D-, which averages a big, fat F.

So I conclude this most premature and unfair of all premature and unfair assessments of President Obama’s job performance. I expect a job offer from Fox News any minute.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Bert

The Grand Old Party is Over

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

March 5, 2009

The Republican Party is in shambles, only the most delusional right wingers disagree. The worst part is that the party leadership thinks the solution is to go backwards, when they are already backwards enough. They all must be stealing Rush Limbaugh’s Oxycontins!

By my very subjective observation, there are more moderate Republicans than there are moderate Democrats, but the GOP in general persecutes their moderates mercilessly. John McCain got the nomination last fall, but only after standing there testifying how Republican he was, which instantly got him labeled as Bush III. The GOP has got to realize that their ideas have totally lost respect, but they want to continue with the same old ideas, only more so.

Take me to your leader. Who the hell is it? A fellow named Michael Steele was formally chosen as the leader, but a right wing radio “Shock Jock” is the real guy! Steele and Limbaugh butted heads, and it was Steele that blinked. What hope does the party have when the leader is a fat, pill-popping loudmouth? You can walk into any honky-tonk and find dozens of drunks that talk the same way, would you pray to them for guidance?

The first thing the party has to come to grips with is that, with all respects for the dead, Reagan sucked! He was a big disaster for this country. He came up with the “Trickle Down” economic theory, which is haunting us to this day. He ended fiscal responsibility in the Republican Party. He brought the “Moral Majority” into politics, even though, when you consider their disregard for the poor, they aren’t very moral, and by the numbers, aren’t anywhere near a majority. They are, however, very loud and annoying. And sexually obsessed, loaded with self-loathing gays and other perverts. Republican “values” have been found to be bankrupt. On top of that, he spent billions on a land based missile system that was obsolete before it left the drawing board. Then, when you think about the Iran-Contra deal, Reagan and his cronies probably should have been put behind bars.

Reagan’s big talent was using splendid oratory to lead the gullible down a primrose path while doing ungodly things to our country. Sound like Obama? Yes it does! The differences are a different primrose path, (there must be several of them), and I think Obama writes some of his own material. We have give the guy some time before we can assess Obama fairly, but Reagan, we know what he did. His damage was primarily ruining our economy and fouling up our foreign affairs. He is given credit for tearing down the Berlin Wall, but the Soviet Union self-destructed. Gotta give Ronny kudos for good timing, though.

If the GOP wants to go back, go back to the nineteen-fifties, to the last great Republican President. I like Ike. Eisenhower doesn’t get nearly the respect he deserves. The Democrats at the time tried painting Ike as unintelligent, mainly because they were putting an “Egghead” up against him. We’ve had eggheads before, and since, but none of them was very impressive.

Eisenhower was excellent. He was fiscally responsible, but smart! He spent billions on a system of “Interstate and Defense Highways” (we now call them Interstates), which were designed to evacuate cities quickly and to mobilize the National Guard, but had the plus of reducing air pollution and improving intestate commerce. Sound, sensible infrastructure spending. If Ike wasn’t brilliant, I don’t know who is. He wasn’t big on social issues, but back then nobody was. Even the Democrats didn’t care much about social issues until the sixties, (remember the “Dixiecrats?”). His foreign policy? “Don’t Mess With Us!” plain and simple, and he was strong and smart about it, not trying to find ways of funneling money to his buddies. And he did this with an opposing Congress! He warned us about the “Military-Industrial Complex,” but now the GOP is in the pocket of said complex!

The Republicans have to go back to being Republicans. Maybe they need another general. Can you imagine Tommy Franks apologizing to Rush Limbaugh? David Petraeus would send a mortar shell up Rush’s ass if Limbaugh messed with him. The GOP needs a real leader, not comic relief. Let us hope for the best.

I believe in the two party system, but right now we don’t have one. Either a new party emerges, or the GOP has to resurrect itself. Get back to actually practicing fiscal responsibility. Dump your phony “Family Values” crap and clean the perverts out of your system. Care about children after they are born. Fix yourself or we may be at the mercy of the extreme left for a long time.

I Feel So Stimulated!

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 17, 2009

Today we get our new economic stimulus plan. Oh Boy! This is going to be good!

This bipartisan plan (it did get three Republican votes) is designed to give our economy a good kick-start toward prosperity. This stroke of genius will devalue our dollar, sell our banks to foreign interests, and drive our debt so high that our great-grandchildren won’t even get it paid off! Ain’t that swell? Excuse me, I have to look up “prosperity” in my dictionary, it seems I’ve had it wrong all these years.

Obama wanted support from Republicans, he wined them and dined them but then he let the Democratic leadership in the House write the damn thing. After years of getting pushed around by Bush and his extreme right cronies, the Democrats in the House are not in the mood for anything resembling bipartisanship. The Republicans are intransigent, being really sore losers, and after three decades they all of the sudden rediscovered fiscal responsibility! The parties are making this a showdown, gambling big. If the economy shows measurable improvement in two years, it’s a win for Democrats, and Republicans will be driven even closer to extinction. If the economy is still faltering two years from now, Obama might be dealing with a Republican Congress.

Our hope is that history repeats itself. It seems like Republicans get us into big economic messes, like the Depression (Hoover), the 1975 Recession (Nixon, Ford), the malaise of 1991-92 (Bush the Elder) and then get bailed out by Democrats. Another point is Buchanan, considered the worst President, was followed by the best, Lincoln. Bush the Junior is to be ranked right down there with Buchanan, Fillmore, et al, so maybe, if history is nice, Obama will turn out to be up there in skill with Lincoln, Roosevelt, and other leaders that got the country out of big messes. What is very scary about this particular disaster is that many Democrats in Congress, many still in Congress, were of great assistance to the GOP in creating the mortgage crisis, which has been the grease in this downhill slide.

So even if Obama is great, he still has to deal with a Congress full of idiots. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t even belong there, much less be there in a leadership position. On the other side of the aisle, we have John Boner (did I spell that wrong?), who is pretty much the same story. The Senate is in a very sad situation. There actually are some moderates in the Senate, but they tend to get kicked into the corner and forced to wear dunce hats.

The big problem is that American politics has been taken over by the stupid. The GOP has had big wins appealing to the backward and ignorant of the Deep South, rural areas, and places like Alaska. The Dems have their base among the undereducated of the inner cities. Anyone with an I.Q. North of the Mason-Dixon Line is left scratching his or her head trying to figure out who is the lesser of two evils. The problem is that there isn’t a lesser evil.

It has been demonstrated that the country runs best when power is divided. When Congress and the Presidency are in gridlock, they tend to do the least damage. Look at the last six years of Slick Willie’s terms. America ran like a well-oiled watch, at least until the GOP tormented Bill for liking women. How dare he! He should like men and little boys, like they do! Then you look at W’s first six, you get the definition of disaster. Not only did Republicans have control of the House, Senate and the White House, the Democrats showed their intestinal fortitude by caving at every reasonable opportunity. The past two years weren’t long enough to show much progress, mainly because the Republicans, being losers, did the best possible job of being pains in the ass.

Hopefully, very hopefully, this plan might work. The tax breaks will have a modest, but immediate effect. People building roads and bridges will not only be employed, but will eat at the local lunch counters. And the ripple effect will continue. The Art Community will employ artists, who will no longer have to work at the lunch counters, creating openings for unemployed youths. Other facets of the program also might create jobs. Ignore the whinings of the sore losers, there actually isn’t a whole lot of “Pork” in this bill. And the most attractive facet of this plan is that it is based on a “Trickle Up” theory, which is much more realistic than “Trickle Down.” Republicans seem to think that the money mongers are the power behind an economy, that thy will somehow direct the money in ways beneficial to the economy. Sorry Bozos, you really overrate your importance. The working class is the engine that drives our country. Republicans are short sighted; they like handing the money directly to the rich, which shows the general stupidity of the GOP. Get the money to middle class, and the money will get to the rich, even more money than if it’s handed directly to them, it just requires a little patience. That is because the middle class is equally stupid, because they will spend their money at Wal Mart, Best Buy and other “Big Box” stores rather than the local markets, destroying any hope of anybody of their class achieving the American Dream.

If it seems like foreign economies are being treated as if they don’t matter, well they don’t, at least not much. They need us more than we need them, for the time being.

So hang on. We are in a tailspin. Will we pull out of it? Will we make a graceful splash in the Hudson? Or will we land flat? Pray for the best. There are no atheists in foxholes.

Yapping at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 9, 2009

Moon, these are wonderful days for me. I am gonna yap at you like a wound up miniature dachshund!

After years of well deserved hacking at Republicans, it is time for change! Now that Republicans are almost as extinct as the other dinosaurs, we have a new group to bash, Democrats!
Reaching for that pie in the sky, the left wingers can’t concentrate on real world solutions. We need a job creation program, but those boneheads can’t let a good program come into being without cluttering it up with everybody’s pet projects. 0.8 means you are drunk, and having 0.8 trillion at their disposal makes these loonies stupid drunk! How is a program that prevents sexually transmitted diseases going to create jobs? If nobody catches the Clap, we won’t need nurses giving out Penicillin shots. Jobs lost. Thank the Republicans for gettin’ rid of this one.

I do believe in putting money into alternative energy. Remember last summer? We paid $4 for a gallon of gasoline, and now we have no money. Get the connection?

Donald Trump says we’re not using our brains in protecting our country. Duh! If Obama wants to change anything, change that. Find somebody that can figure out his or her taxes, for a start.

After two years of talking change, Obama is filling his Cabinet with privileged insiders. Sounds more like same old, same old. Where’s the change?

The right still believes in tax cuts. We’ve had tax cuts! They don’t work for shit! Their effect is immediate, but very weak. Very little bang for the buck. Republicans are slow learners, they can’t learn from history. We need history books with more pictures.

The new Chairman of the Republican Party says bipartisanship is over-rated. Did I mention that Republicans are slow learners?

A big deal is being made that the stimulus package received no Republican votes in the House. About 30 GOP House members considered voting for the plan, but were extorted to vote against it. Like the other dinosaurs, Republicans have brains the size of walnuts.

Republican leaders in the Senate claim that Obama’s stimulus plan will lead to disaster. Better listen, these guys are very skilled at engineering disasters.

It seems like every time they refer to recessions of the past, not to mention the Depression, Republicans were in power at the time. We have to find somebody that can draw pictures of economic disasters for a lesson book for the GOP.

Dick Cheney claims that reading people their rights is putting America in danger. America is all about rights! People’s rights are the foundation of our country! Forget about human rights and you forget about America! How many ways can this be said? Cheney, you Dick, just crawl into a hole and shut up. Despite the damage you’ve done, you still have the right to speak. Please don’t. I would leave Republicans alone if they would just sit in the corner and face reality! They lost any semblance of power in this country because they are massive screw-ups!

Anybody that wants to promote compromise should watch how their representatives in Congress act in the next two years, when the House members, and a third of Senators, come up for re-election. Unload John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi ASAP!

Pelosi is letting power get to her head. She should quit being so stupid or she might be selling pencils two years from now.

I drove over the 35W bridge in Minneapolis just days before it collapsed. Didn’t know I was cheating death. Bridges all across the country are going bad, and not enough of the billions are allotted to fix this; instead, this major league problem is getting a drop in the bucket. Bridge building creates a lot of quality jobs, and in hard hit sectors of the market. And insist on American steel. Not only is this good for the American economy, America knows how to make steel. Chinese and Japanese steel is crap. I’m a machinist, I know steel.

If you’re going to make tax cuts, don’t make them without direction. Give companies tax credits for hiring. Give consumers tax credits for buying cars, and houses (a good Republican idea. They do exist.)

The Democrats are funding the health program for children with a cigarette tax, but the “Stimulus” contains a smoking cessation program. They’re counting on one or the other to fail. What else in their plans is set up to fail?

The first bill Obama signed into law was to make women’s pay equal to men’s pay. As ideologically laudable the principle, is that what we need now? Making it more expensive to keep people employed? Pie-in-the-Sky. As noted by others, he didn’t allow five days for public comment, as promised.

Somebody should tell Rush Limbaugh every good American, Democrat, Republican, or whatever, wants Obama to succeed. Anyone that wants the country to go further down the tubes just to prove himself right might as well join Al-Qaeda.

Limbaugh has 20 million listeners; some of them actually take him seriously! Further evidence that the American educational system is failing. Brains the size of walnuts.

A Catholic bishop denies that 6 million Jews were gassed by Nazis during the 1930’s and 40’s. He has a point. 6 million Jews died, but a lot of them were shot, drowned, or failed to survive ghastly medical experiments. Most of those that expired during the construction of V-1 and V-2 missiles succumbed to fumes from welding galvanized metal; can that be considered gassed?

The Nazis also killed disabled people, including gays. Gypsy’s, blacks, etc., those guys just couldn’t run out of reasons to make people dead. Loads of evidence, bodies and bones included, support the existence of the Holocaust. Even Nazis proudly admitted it as the nooses tightened. This bishop wants you to accept Catholicism solely on faith, but he won’t accept the Holocaust in the face of tons (literally, tons) of evidence. I’d keep an eye on this guy when he’s around altar boys. There is a lot of evidence that buggering children is a bad thing.

The Catholic Church failed it’s Christian duty during the Nazi era. I guess it is hard to break tradition; it is still failing it’s Christian duty.

The Governor of Illinois got the boot. He proclaims his innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence against him. He has the full support of Catholic bishops.

Some people are making a stink because Jessica Simpson put on a couple of pounds. With eating disorders among young women nearly a pandemic, this behavior is incomprehensible. Jessica still looks hot. Besides, she’s a singer, not a supermodel. And she doesn’t wear silly hats.

After Michael Phelps won 8 medals in Beijing, he went for some Acapulco gold.

PETA is using scantily clad young women to make broccoli look sexy. Or are they using broccoli to make scantily clad young women look inedible?

These same characters are trying to make us feel all warm and fuzzy about fish by calling them “Sea Kittens.” Put one of these folks in the water with a 15-foot great white sea kitten and see who’s who on the food chain. Actually, sharks usually take a taste of a human and spit it out, kind of like broccoli.

An Airbus made an emergency landing in New York’s Hudson River due to engine failure. Bird remains have been found in both of the plane’s engines. Of course they are no longer birds, they’re now known as “Air Puppies.”

Now we have to watch out for infected peanut butter, from Georgia. What did Jimmy Carter have to do with this?

One lady had survived two forms of Cancer, and was ready to come home from the hospital, but she was finished off by bad peanut butter. I’m going to stick with sea kittens.

People in the disaster areas of Kentucky and Missouri, etc., are advised not to eat the peanut butter in their emergency rations. Nice choices, starve to death or die gagging.

The government says it is going to take steps to prevent bad food from entering our country’s markets. I thought they were always doing that, but it turns out that the FDA was protecting food producers from dying consumers. It makes sense. This is the same outfit that protects the producers of anti-depressants from the families of users that commit suicide.

China is suffering it’s worst drought in half a century. America grows a lot of food. This is a tremendous opportunity to relieve some of our trade deficit. But our food supply must be trustworthy. We have a better chance of making broccoli look sexy.

A 93-year-old World War II vet froze to death in his Michigan home after the local electric company limited his power. Don’t you just love deregulation?

Unregulated free markets don’t work, Socialism doesn’t work, the only thing that will work is a free market with strong government oversight. Then we need a government with strong voter oversight. Then we need voters educated by someone more rational than Rush Limbaugh. We have a better chance of making scantily clad young women look inedible.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t know, they’re still using whale oil lamps.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? Ain’t gonna happen. They talk change, but they seem happy with the old, burnt out bulb.

Sorry, Moon. Unlike a miniature dachshund, I can’t yap forever. Good night, try to get some sleep now.

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

January 10, 2009

How do you spell relief? This is the last Moon to look upon us as ruled by George Bush and friends. Next Moon we will have a new President. Contrary to popular belief, Obama cannot and will not walk on water, but we will no longer need hip waders to walk through the bullshit coming out of the White House. I guarantee that Obama will be much more honest with us than Dick Cheney and his Muppet, W.

We are in deep trouble. Congress and two Presidents are trying to figure out how bail out our economy. It’s like trying to bail out the Titanic with an ice cream bucket.

Car companies are in trouble, but car insurance companies must be making money hand over fist! How can they save us so much money when they are spending multiple millions on advertising? I’m sick of it. I almost miss the political ads. Do you smell some sort of racket?

Another racket is those guys that want to buy your old gold jewelry, etc. You will get screwed. Take your stuff to some legitimate jewelers to find the best deal.

This year, for a New Years resolution, I decided to try something achievable! I swore to become an alcoholic! But, as usual, I’m failing. One beer doesn’t qualify.

I might go back to smoking a lot of Pot, but then...uh, what was I talking about?

Osama bin Laden is a genius. An evil genius, but a genius all the same. All he needed was one attack, then let Bush use fear and hatred as tools to start stripping us of our American rights. America is about our constitution, not about flags. Face it, compared to almost any other country, we are safe, our greatest danger is paranoia. Big Brother is alive and well and must be stopped.

Bill Richardson withdrew his nomination as Commerce Secretary because of some questions about a campaign contributor. I really, really hope everything is on the up and up. I have respected Richardson as an honest and rational man for a long time. If he turns out to be dirty, I will lose all faith.

George Bush the senior thinks his son Jeb should be President. I think the Bush’s should practice birth control. Let’s send them all gift certificates from Planned Parenthood.

The comedy of the Minnesota Senate race is crawling to the finish. Democrat Al Franken has been certified the winner over Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes. But there will be court challenges, likely followed by more court challenges. Too bad they can’t both lose.

I’m a long-suffering Minnesota Vikings fan. All Viking fans deserve the title of long-suffering. I’m surrounded by Packers fans, so I suffer more.

One of the most dangerous situations to be dealt with is in Pakistan. Al-Quaida has a good foothold there, with plenty of friends and hiding places. The government is weak, and has minimal control over the Army. Pakistan is primarily Muslim, and has frequent conflicts with neighboring India, which is Hindu. Both countries have nuclear arms. Nobody involved likes us a whole lot, so our ability to broker peace is nil. Moon, please tell me everything will be okay.

The Moon is silent, as always. It will be a morning crescent as it watches us usher in a new era in America. Obama is intelligent, with a heart of gold, similar credentials to Jimmy Carter. Carter tended to be paralyzed by indecision. We can’t have indecisiveness now. We need quick work to regain our respect and power in the World, to get our priorities back in order, to return to true American values.

Forgive me Moon if my bark is a little timid tonight.

Put America Back to Work!

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

December 15, 2008

I am sick of bailouts and loans for big businesses. This is still following the “Trickle Down” ideas from the Reagan years, and the middle class has suffered for decades because of this backward economic principle. We have got to reverse gears, get the money to flow up!

America needs jobs! While the little guys would love have money handed to them, like it is being handed to big financial firms, and soon to big car companies, most are very willing to work for it. Give Americans a regular paycheck and they will pay their bills, and buy new stuff. In a consumer driven economy, keep the consumer behind the wheel. Giving big business free money will just give them a license to keep their foot on the middle class’ throat.

Not that a lot of the middle class didn’t bring this treatment upon themselves. Reagan was the guy that figured out that if you get the ignorant among us frothing at the mouth over issues like gay marriage and abortion you could shove the screws up our butts and still get praised as great leaders.

Hey, the Democrats can fix this, they’ve always fought for the little guy! Say what? They want to shove billions to the big screw-ups instead of using the money for job creation? Do we have any friends? Don’t answer, I don’t want to hear it. We might also remember how much responsibility Democrats have for some of the trade agreements that shipped millions of jobs out of the country, with the crazy idea that we could compete with countries that don’t have OSHA and where trade unionists are shot. What would these guys do with a brain if they had one?

Franklin Roosevelt pulled us out of the Great Depression by putting America to work. Now, with all of our money going to bail out the big screws, can a job program be funded? Can we create a job program without big corporate interests demanding their cut?

Our new President will have to be strong, real strong, to do what’s needed to put America back to work, while making the bigwigs realize it will be good for them, too. Otherwise, we will witness the fall of the Great American Empire.

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert

The Extreme Moderate

December 12, 2008

The Moon is getting full again and I’m in the mood to bark.

I just moved, only seven miles, but it was still a pain in the ass. After living in the same place for 10 years, I’ve moved 3 times in the past year and a half. The way the job market is going my next move might be to a cardboard box.

America needs jobs. The Democrats are thinking like Republicans, bailing out the bigwigs instead of helping the little guys find jobs. People with jobs will pay their mortgages, pay their credit card bills, and buy new cars. These multi-billion dollar bailouts won’t do a damn thing. They want to give the car companies big loans, but they will still lay off thousands! That’s going backwards! Now the Republicans are looking good because they know a bad idea when they see one.

The Dems have a majority in the Senate, but it’s not filibuster proof. Hopefully everyone realizes what a blessing that is.

Illinois’ Governor just got busted for trying to auction off a Senate appointment! And there are other high power Democrats getting indicted. I might have to change my motto to Democrats are Crooks and Republicans are Clowns, or, let’s face it, they are all crooked clowns!

I’m trying to meet women that don’t drink, in Wisconsin. Do you know what that’s called? Lonely.

People in Wisconsin drink a lot so they can put up with the Packers.

NBC is going to move Jay Leno to 9 PM (Central Time). I need to be humored after the evening news.

Remember when people used to like Ladybugs?

A military jet crashed into a house killing two women and two children. F-18’s are fine machines, but they have no business flying over residential neighborhoods. Not in this country, anyway.

Gas prices are going down so now the SUV’s and overpowered pick-up trucks are coming out of the woodwork. I’m getting the impression Americans are slooow learners.

Winter is here in Wisconsin. Hell must be a cold place, nothing makes me feel more God-forsaken than a forty below wind chill.

New Mexico is losing a great Governor. Obama better put him to good use and not do what Bush did, ripping off Tommy Thompson then telling him to keep quiet.

I’m tired of barking. I’m gonna go out and bite somebody. Don’t worry, I’ve had my shots.

The Minnesota Senate Race

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

October 29, 2008

The Minnesota Senate race is one of the most watched electoral contests in the country, and sittin’ here in Northwest Wisconsin, I got a front row seat!

This three ring circus is a prime example of one of the biggest problems confronting our Democracy; the major parties are offering sub-par candidates, and the independent and third party folks are totally outspent, making their chances of victory very slim. Poor Minnesota is gonna get a shit sandwich without bread. The candidates cranking out negative ads one after the other is mind boggling and getting totally out of hand.

Incumbent Norm Coleman drifts with the wind. He started out as a Democratic mayor, became a Republican mayor, lost a gubernatorial race to a professional wrestler, then beat a last minute replacement offered by the Democrats for a Senate seat. When Coleman first entered the senate, he was one of W’s favorite lap dogs, but as Bush’s popularity waned, he’s taken a much more moderate path, and has actually been doing a decent job. He still supports the Iraq War, which has lost moderate support, but he is doing better than most Republicans on such things as the environment and health care. He is reliably anti-abortion. Can he be trusted to stay within striking distance of center? His history says probably not. Plus he loves the hell out of lobbyists. Many questions linger over his relationships with representatives of special interests.

Democrat Al Franken will never act like a moderate. He is left wing at all opportunities; his extremism strongly resembling Ted Kennedy’s. He has questions too. He paid taxes to the wrong states over a period of years. Overall, he was paid up, just had to get the money to the right jurisdictions. Then there is an issue with Franken’s corporation failing to cover it’s employees with workman’s compensation insurance. Is this guy some sort of slick shyster or is he just totally ignorant of financial law? Which is a better quality for a senator? People are crying about Franken’s humor. I’ve told a lot of bad jokes myself, and I’m sure you have, too. Get real.

There is an Independent party candidate. Dean Barkley is fairly moderate, socially progressive with some fiscal responsibility. He is seen favorably by almost everyone that has a clue who he is, and is currently polling a strong 18% with no real advertising budget. He was a senator, briefly, appointed by Jesse Ventura to fill the late Paul Wellstone’s seat until Coleman’s inauguration. Barkley is about as colorful as pavement.

So it is a lose, lose, lose situation. Does Minnesota re-elect the shape-shifting opportunist? Or do they elect the left wing clown? Do we want the Senate to be filibuster proof? Or do we want to let the Republicans continue to grind the Senate to a halt? All the while the independent candidate doesn’t have a prayer because hardly anybody knows he exists. Which eye do you want the sharp stick in?

P.S.: Anybody from Minnesota’s 6th district reading this? Get rid of Michelle Bachmann. She is a bigger embarrassment to the state than the Vikings!

Howling at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

October 14, 2008

The Moon is full again, and this month I really gotta howl.

I am supporting Obama for President. This is scary, a Democratic President over what is sure to be a Democratic Congress. A McCain Presidency wouldn’t be bad, we’d just have to hope to high heaven that he lives to fill his term.

Just imagine, if McCain gets elected, and either passes away or decides not to run for a second term, we could see Sarah Palin vs. Hillary Clinton in 2012!

I wonder, would the campaigns get more negative every 4 weeks?

I am normally against capital punishment, but people that pass you on the road and then go slower than you were going in the first place makes me reconsider.

Obama has a better plan for the economy. McCain’s plan is still based on the old, and never worked, trickle down theory. Obama’s plan is more rise up theory.

Bailout! What a dumb idea! Talk about rewarding screw-ups. This will really give bankers a sense of responsibility. Not. We could help retirees and other little people a lot cheaper than giving welfare to unscrupulous lending institutions. McCain and Obama both blew this one.

Anybody remember we are at war? It amazes me, that subject got thrown on the back burner so quickly, like it wasn’t an unnecessary drain on the economy itself. Oh, by the way, people are still dying.

Republicans can’t win. The big news went from their bungling of the war to their bungling of the economy. Where’s Paris Hilton when they need her?

Three states now recognize Gay Marriage. I wonder if it should be left at that for a while just to see what happens. Will it create more, or reduce, domestic abuse? Child custody cases in 47 states aren’t even debatable in gay dissolutions. What will happen in the other 3? Let’s make sure it’s a good thing before we make gay marriage law in all 50.

Even with all this howling, I haven’t vented enough. But I have to leave; Animal Control is coming after me. Good night.

Barking at the Moon

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

August 16,2008

The Moon is full, and I just want to howl.

It is hard to fathom the importance of the Olympics to international diplomacy, but other than the Basketball, I really couldn’t care less.

I kind of like watching Women’s Volleyball, but the participants need larger breasts.

China wants to join the rest of the World. I have one word of advice: Democracy!

The Republicans want to regain power in this country. I have one word of advice: Democracy!

The GOP does have the best solution to the illegal immigration problem, however; make America suck so badly nobody wants to come here! It won’t be long and we’ll be breaking down the fences to sneak into Mexico.

The Republicans have this country going in the wrong direction. The Democrats would also send us in the wrong direction, but at least it would be a different wrong direction.

The Republicans appeal to the ignorant and superstitious hillbillies of the “Bible Belt.” The Democrats appeal to the undereducated of the inner cities. Anyone with half of a brain can only appeal for mercy.

Russian Prime Minister Putin sent an enormous army into a small and defenseless country. What nerve! Who does he think he is? George Bush?

Rush Limbaugh just got a huge raise. The Right Wing is desperate to keep the stupid in line, and Limbaugh has the same power over morons as the Pied Piper had on rats.

I have two cats. There are days that I’d rather have mice.

I see a lot of women driving big trucks and SUV’s around. These ladies suffer from low self-esteem; they think they need that power to haul their asses around.

Barrack Obama says the best way to reduce our dependence on foreign oil is to reduce our dependence on oil. Duh! Republicans find this concept too complicated to grasp, and find this to be a reason to criticize Obama! Of course the Right Wing morons are foaming at the mouth, chanting “Drill, Drill, Drill, so we can use more Gas, Gas, Gas!”

All of the oil we’ve sucked out of the ground was holding up the bedrock above it. I’m waiting for the Saudi Arabian Desert to cave in and become the Saudi Arabian Sea. That would get rid of some terrorists!

Texas, same story. Texas can brag that it’s America’s biggest lake.

Before W invaded Afghanistan, Afghans produced 75% of the Worlds Heroin. Now they produce only 83%! Good going George! Republicans have the overwhelming support of the World’s crime leaders. The GOP makes sure drugs stay illegal to make sure criminals have a steady income. Ordinary, hard working citizens? Screw them.

While the War in Iraq is doing nothing for American security, it is making Israel safer, and freer to pursue aggression against it’s enemies in the Mid-east. This never gets pointed out, however, because the Democrats don’t want say anything good about the war, and the Republicans don’t want to point that out because the Neo-nazis are a small but important part of the Republican base.

During their recent stretch of power, Republicans managed to really piss me off. If the Democrats manage to not blow their chance at getting control, it won’t take long for them to piss me off. Keep your eyes open for future posts.

Good night, sleep well. Werewolves aren’t for real. However, Bush and Cheney are for real, so stare at the ceiling.

Is Fairness in the Media Possible?

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

July 22,2008

There is a mass quantity of whining coming from the Republican camp that the national news media is being unfair in it’s coverage of the presumptive Presidential candidates. The numbers bear this out. Obama is getting over twice the airtime McCain is getting on network news, and papers are the same story.

Now this isn’t a conscious effort to get the Democrat elected. No way. Remember, these organizations, the media outlets, are owned and operated by millionaires, people that like Republicans very much. Republicans make the rich get richer. Fox News, for example, has a well known and much deserved reputation for it's lean to the right. They were the loudest in trumpeting Bush’s line of crap that got us into Iraq.

The GOP is just going to have to face it; Barrack Obama is better television. He is a fresh face, photogenic, charismatic, offering new ideas at a time when the old ways aren’t working. McCain is not a fresh face. He’s been around a long time, getting a reputation as an also-ran. Poor guy, he finally gets his moment in the spotlight, and people are tired of looking at him. Outside of an initiative on the environment, his line is the plain old Republican line; trickle down economics, war over diplomacy, safety over civil liberties. America is sick of Republicans, and deservedly so. They have been lousy at running the country, and most of the country doesn’t want to hear any more of it.

McCain didn’t help things himself. He made a big, big deal out of it that Obama hadn’t visited Iraq lately, and Afghanistan never. Like there are things to discover sitting in “Green Zones” that can’t be learned from reports shipped over by people in the trenches. Okay, Obama is visiting Iraq and Afghanistan, so the media is making a big, big deal of it. Are we all happy now?

The Republicans are just going to have to face it; John McCain is old news, the Republican Party is old news. Just sit in your rocking chairs and quit your whinin’.