By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate
January 10, 2009
How do you spell relief? This is the last Moon to look upon us as ruled by George Bush and friends. Next Moon we will have a new President. Contrary to popular belief, Obama cannot and will not walk on water, but we will no longer need hip waders to walk through the bullshit coming out of the White House. I guarantee that Obama will be much more honest with us than Dick Cheney and his Muppet, W.
We are in deep trouble. Congress and two Presidents are trying to figure out how bail out our economy. It’s like trying to bail out the Titanic with an ice cream bucket.
Car companies are in trouble, but car insurance companies must be making money hand over fist! How can they save us so much money when they are spending multiple millions on advertising? I’m sick of it. I almost miss the political ads. Do you smell some sort of racket?
Another racket is those guys that want to buy your old gold jewelry, etc. You will get screwed. Take your stuff to some legitimate jewelers to find the best deal.
This year, for a New Years resolution, I decided to try something achievable! I swore to become an alcoholic! But, as usual, I’m failing. One beer doesn’t qualify.
I might go back to smoking a lot of Pot, but then...uh, what was I talking about?
Osama bin Laden is a genius. An evil genius, but a genius all the same. All he needed was one attack, then let Bush use fear and hatred as tools to start stripping us of our American rights. America is about our constitution, not about flags. Face it, compared to almost any other country, we are safe, our greatest danger is paranoia. Big Brother is alive and well and must be stopped.
Bill Richardson withdrew his nomination as Commerce Secretary because of some questions about a campaign contributor. I really, really hope everything is on the up and up. I have respected Richardson as an honest and rational man for a long time. If he turns out to be dirty, I will lose all faith.
George Bush the senior thinks his son Jeb should be President. I think the Bush’s should practice birth control. Let’s send them all gift certificates from Planned Parenthood.
The comedy of the Minnesota Senate race is crawling to the finish. Democrat Al Franken has been certified the winner over Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes. But there will be court challenges, likely followed by more court challenges. Too bad they can’t both lose.
I’m a long-suffering Minnesota Vikings fan. All Viking fans deserve the title of long-suffering. I’m surrounded by Packers fans, so I suffer more.
One of the most dangerous situations to be dealt with is in Pakistan. Al-Quaida has a good foothold there, with plenty of friends and hiding places. The government is weak, and has minimal control over the Army. Pakistan is primarily Muslim, and has frequent conflicts with neighboring India, which is Hindu. Both countries have nuclear arms. Nobody involved likes us a whole lot, so our ability to broker peace is nil. Moon, please tell me everything will be okay.
The Moon is silent, as always. It will be a morning crescent as it watches us usher in a new era in America. Obama is intelligent, with a heart of gold, similar credentials to Jimmy Carter. Carter tended to be paralyzed by indecision. We can’t have indecisiveness now. We need quick work to regain our respect and power in the World, to get our priorities back in order, to return to true American values.
Forgive me Moon if my bark is a little timid tonight.
The Extreme Moderate
January 10, 2009
How do you spell relief? This is the last Moon to look upon us as ruled by George Bush and friends. Next Moon we will have a new President. Contrary to popular belief, Obama cannot and will not walk on water, but we will no longer need hip waders to walk through the bullshit coming out of the White House. I guarantee that Obama will be much more honest with us than Dick Cheney and his Muppet, W.
We are in deep trouble. Congress and two Presidents are trying to figure out how bail out our economy. It’s like trying to bail out the Titanic with an ice cream bucket.
Car companies are in trouble, but car insurance companies must be making money hand over fist! How can they save us so much money when they are spending multiple millions on advertising? I’m sick of it. I almost miss the political ads. Do you smell some sort of racket?
Another racket is those guys that want to buy your old gold jewelry, etc. You will get screwed. Take your stuff to some legitimate jewelers to find the best deal.
This year, for a New Years resolution, I decided to try something achievable! I swore to become an alcoholic! But, as usual, I’m failing. One beer doesn’t qualify.
I might go back to smoking a lot of Pot, but then...uh, what was I talking about?
Osama bin Laden is a genius. An evil genius, but a genius all the same. All he needed was one attack, then let Bush use fear and hatred as tools to start stripping us of our American rights. America is about our constitution, not about flags. Face it, compared to almost any other country, we are safe, our greatest danger is paranoia. Big Brother is alive and well and must be stopped.
Bill Richardson withdrew his nomination as Commerce Secretary because of some questions about a campaign contributor. I really, really hope everything is on the up and up. I have respected Richardson as an honest and rational man for a long time. If he turns out to be dirty, I will lose all faith.
George Bush the senior thinks his son Jeb should be President. I think the Bush’s should practice birth control. Let’s send them all gift certificates from Planned Parenthood.
The comedy of the Minnesota Senate race is crawling to the finish. Democrat Al Franken has been certified the winner over Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes. But there will be court challenges, likely followed by more court challenges. Too bad they can’t both lose.
I’m a long-suffering Minnesota Vikings fan. All Viking fans deserve the title of long-suffering. I’m surrounded by Packers fans, so I suffer more.
One of the most dangerous situations to be dealt with is in Pakistan. Al-Quaida has a good foothold there, with plenty of friends and hiding places. The government is weak, and has minimal control over the Army. Pakistan is primarily Muslim, and has frequent conflicts with neighboring India, which is Hindu. Both countries have nuclear arms. Nobody involved likes us a whole lot, so our ability to broker peace is nil. Moon, please tell me everything will be okay.
The Moon is silent, as always. It will be a morning crescent as it watches us usher in a new era in America. Obama is intelligent, with a heart of gold, similar credentials to Jimmy Carter. Carter tended to be paralyzed by indecision. We can’t have indecisiveness now. We need quick work to regain our respect and power in the World, to get our priorities back in order, to return to true American values.
Forgive me Moon if my bark is a little timid tonight.
4 comments:
What do I get back if Obama turns out to be even worse for the country than Bush was? I only ask because you gave a guarantee...
"I guarantee that Obama will be much more honest with us"
I really wish you hadn't brought up Jimmy Carter... I felt lucky to get a 13% VA loan at the end of his term.
I'll stand by that, he will be more honest. I can't guarantee he won't be worse than Bush, it's just that worse is almost unimaginable.
The similarities between Obama and Carter are spooky, but worse than Bush? How?
I don't know. I didn't think Carter could be worse than Ford. That's the problem with Life... totally unpredictable. Ironically, that's also one of the best things about it, too.
I liked Ford. He was the right guy for the time. It still is hard to forgive him for pardoning Tricky Dick, but his affability made it possible to like a President again. Presidents get too much blame or credit for economic conditions, so I think he did at least a decent job.
Carter, on the other hand, couldn't decide which hand to wipe his nose with.
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