Race in America

By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate

February 23, 2009

Race in America. This is not about the Indianapolis 500. This is about a massive pain in the ass. Attorney General Eric Holder says we are cowards for not talking about race. Right wing pundit Britt Hume said that no one in their right mind would talk about race, the issue is too explosive. So what we need is someone that isn’t a coward, but not in their right mind, to talk frankly on the matter. Thus, I am qualified.

Why do we have to define people by their heritage? We are Americans! Not this kind of American, or that kind of American, or those kinds of Americans.

Labels are lies. I would be defined as White. Of Northern European heritage, living in a region where the Sun makes only rare visits, I’m about as pale as a human can get. However, I am not white, I’m kind of a light pinkish tan color. Goths have to use gallons of makeup to look genuinely white. White is a lie. I used to work with a guy that is as dark as a man can get. From a distance he does indeed looks black, but from less distance it is obvious he is not black, but a really dark, dark brown. Most “blacks” are obviously not black. Black is a lie. These labels are tools to keep us divided. These aren’t the only labels, there are labels for all kinds of heritages, and many of them are downright nasty. Why? To me, there are two kinds of people, the righteous and the assholes. We don’t need any more labels than that. If you insist on using the other labels, guess which label I’d put on you. Defining each other with labels keeps us at odds with each other, and feed our cultural differences.

A stupid cartoon is putting this issue in the headlines. It suggests a chimpanzee wrote the Stimulus Bill, and it is viewed as an insult to our new President. Al Sharpton is one of the people making the most noise about this. Normally I like Reverend Al, he is usually rational, and he has a terrific sense of humor. However, he is wrong this time. The reality is, Obama didn’t write this bill, Nancy Pelosi and her circle wrote it. The cartoonist even pointed this out. And I have to agree, Pelosi is about as smart as a chimp. Put the “Race Card” back in the deck, and try to keep it there. If one wanted to point out that the cartoon wasn’t very funny, he’d have a point.

There are bigots out there, a lot of them. And they come in all colors. Those that feel justified being bigots because of what somebody’s great-grandfather did to their great-grandfather are of the breed of asshole known as a bigot. If someone wants to label me an asshole, well, there are those of every color of the rainbow that will agree with them. If someone wants to label me a “Cracker” I will label them a bigot.

I once knew a “Self-Loathing Black.” He was half-African, but looked totally African. However, he had the same attitude about Africans as Jesse Helms. He was vicious! This man totally amazed me, and I tormented him unmercifully about his hatred. I hope he is doing well, and has softened his attitude. Poor guy really doesn’t have much of a place. Self-Loathing Gays have a home in the Republican Party, but where would this guy be welcome?

A lot of fuss is being made because our President looks African. “Did you think you’d live to see the day?” Yada, yada, yada. All I hope is that he does a good job; the cracker that came before him really screwed the place up.

A lot of my friends and acquaintances have Native American background. This issue is really complicated; yes, Europeans ripped off your ancestors, but most countries were formed by somebody’s ancestors ripping off somebody else’s ancestors. Reservations seem to have the same function as zoos, the only difference is that the subjects on display are humans. If I ever come up with, or encounter, a good plan on how to deal with “American Indians” you will see it here. Ideas are welcome.

Gender differences are another issue entirely. Women have caused me untold misery, but I still love them. I don’t think a good plan on how to deal with them will ever be encountered. Ideas are futile.

We have to let go of the past. We can’t forget it, or we won’t learn from it. However, we have to get rid of injustices that are occurring now! Affirmative action is not the answer. Reverse racism is racism. Get rid of it.

Education is a big part of the solution. The lack of education in the inner cities is a national problem; the idea of local financing of local schools is killing us. White bread suburban school districts have good teacher to student ratios, and the best technology available. Many still fail because of bad management, but in general it keeps the privileged, privileged. Even state by state differences vary the quality of education. Education is a national issue, it should be dealt with in national manner. “No Child Left Behind” is a joke. It makes schools that don’t have much money blow a bunch of money teaching kids how to take tests. If these tests tested kids the way they’ll be tested in real life, it might have a chance. But as there isn’t a big market for test takers, this program is a dud.

The best thing to solve the race issue is interracial breeding. Already people with backward minds have to watch what they say. You never know who had a beloved grandmother that was half minority. Klans will get smaller and smaller, because there will be fewer and fewer Americans of pure race. In the past, life was tougher on mixed race children, but as time moves on race will become a non-issue. I’m not saying to go knock someone up just because they’re a different color, but if you love someone that doesn’t look like the people in your family, don’t let race become an obstacle.

By the way, Eric Holder and Britt Hume can kiss my ass. I wouldn’t label either one as righteous.