By Jonathan Bert
The Extreme Moderate
July 28, 2008
Tomatoes are coming! They are out for blood! Oh, excuse me, maybe it’s killer jalapenos. Whatever, something’s tryin’ to kill us. Last year it was spinach, maybe broccoli will be next. When your kids don’t want to eat their vegetables, they might have a point.
That freak out warning devastated the tomato industry. Farmers plowed their crops into the ground. As if the economy wasn’t bad enough, now we have a big loss in the agricultural sector. For nothing.
Health “experts” are constantly trying to tell us what’s good for us, and fresh veggies are always on top of the list. But when was the last time you heard of a killer rib-eye? I like fresh veggies, (with a lot of Ranch), but if you cook stuff, you won’t get E. Coli, Salmonella, etc.
Eggs used to be awful, now they’re not so bad. Butter has cholesterol, so eat margarine. No! Wait! Margarine has hydrogenated oil! Eat dirt. I’d get the impression these people knew what they were talking about if they knew what they were talking about.
If you see a health expert on TV, you will see they are not that old. You don’t see a 90-year-old nutritionist. J. I. Rodale only lived to 70. Euell Gibbons didn’t live to a ripe old age, (apparently wild hickory nuts aren’t the key to eternal life). That guy that promoted running for health dropped dead at 44. I’ve made it past that myself!
After listening to these experts, I’ve become convinced that if you don’t eat anything, don’t drink anything, and quit breathing, you will live forever. Then I think of people I know that have quit these things, and it’s amazing! They have all moved on to a better place! Maybe the crazies have a point! But I love to eat, I get thirsty, and I find strange comfort in breathing. Maybe some day I’ll get the willpower to quit doing that stuff so I can move on to a better place, but meanwhile I’ll just have to muddle along here in Wisconsin.
Seriously, it does make sense to pay some attention to what you eat. But instead of freaking out every time a so-called expert says this or that is good or bad for your health, take advice from people that have actually lived a long time. Eat a lot of “roughage.” Take a shot or two of brandy before bedtime. Eat something green everyday, (I don’t think this includes grasshoppers). An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Walk, (don’t run), one mile every day. Etc, etc. If you know a really old person, ask them what they did to get so damn old. And cook your jalapenos.
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2 comments:
Public health endemics always seem related to cultivated foods. That's why I subsist on a strict regimen of small-batch bourbon (self-sterilizing), and anything I can kill with crude, hand-made hunting implements.
I like the "eat the rainbow" diet. Something from every color and not the same thing from the same color two days in a row. You have to get a little creative.
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